On The Rocks
by NettieC
Summary: What do you do when everything in your life seems to be screwed? How do you cope with losing everything you had or thought you would have? Final Chapter is up. Warning: CHARACTER DEATH Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**Thanks to Ad Hominem Argument…**

It was an unremarkable mid-winter's day in New York City. The sky was a dirty blue, the clouds scattered above were obscured by skyscrapers, a breeze blew through the streets, wafting the aroma of car exhaust, garbage and hotdogs along, cars were honking, and a dog, in the distance, was barking. Nothing unusual for a Tuesday morning.

There was nothing different about the 1-6th either. The walls still needed painting, the stairs still creaked and the officers were still overworked and underpaid. Elliot and Olivia walked up those creaking stairs to start their day, chatting amiably as they went. Their last case tied up yesterday, today, hopefully, would be a chance to catch their breath and catch up on paperwork; it was to be an ordinary, unremarkable day in the lives of two experienced detectives.

Olivia went straight to her desk and dumped her belongings on her chair before answering the telephone. Elliot went to the coffee, pouring them both a cup of the strong brew before remembering Olivia was only drinking tea these days. He poured out the contents, rinsed the cup and started again.

He placed her cup in front of her and smiled as she continued, smiling broadly as she spoke to the caller. Elliot sat at his desk and leafed through the phone messages, there was nothing important, nothing urgent demanding his attention, and nothing as interesting as whom Olivia was speaking to.

"Who was that?" he asked the instant she hung up.

"Jack McManus," she replied, making a few notes.

"And?" Elliot raised an eyebrow. Jack McManus was a high profiled lawyer, new in town, who had paid a little more attention to Olivia than Elliot had liked on a recent case.

Olivia smiled inwardly, there was no way in hell she'd ever go out with Jack McManus, but she loved the jealousy it created in her partner. "He just wanted to catch up…" she said casually, "about the case," she added, a smile playing on her lips.

"Well, we're free this afternoon if you want to go then," Elliot offered, there was no way she'd be seeing him alone, not if he could help it.

"Oh, he didn't think it would be necessary for you to be there," Olivia said, smiling broadly at her partner.

"Oh, it's necessary," Elliot mumbled. "We'll go together."

That was the end of the discussion.

.../././...

Fin entered the squad room just after eight and scanned it quickly.

"Morning Liv, El," he said, grabbing his coffee cup.

"Morning Fin," said Olivia moving over and sitting on the edge of his desk. "What's new? She sipped her tea.

"Not a lot." He smiled at her. Elliot moved over to join them.

"Did you catch the game last night?" he asked Fin.

"Yeah, nothing spectacular," replied Fin.

"Yeah, same old, same old," agreed Olivia and both men looked at her.

"You watched the game, Liv?" asked Elliot.

"No, I mean this conversation – totally predictable." She moved back to her desk shaking her head.

"You seen anythin' of my partner?" Fin asked, sitting down.

"Not in yet," answered Elliot.

"Hmm." Fin looked up at the clock, 8:31 am.

"He must have had a hot date last night," offered Elliot.

"Yeah, see that blonde chick he was talking to in the bar last Friday? I don't think I'd be getting out of bed if she was still in it," Fin said, laughing.

Olivia shook her head, knowing full well which blonde had been occupying his time lately, but as she was sworn to secrecy she simply said,"He could just be caught in traffic!"

"Yeah right?" they replied in unison.

A couple of calls, a few faxes and a couple of reports filled in, Fin looked at the clock. 10.13 am. Fin picked up the phone and called Munch's cell again and left another message. He rang his home phone and did the same. He also paged him. There was no way he was going to wade through a sea of paper work while his partner got his rocks off with some young chick at home in bed.

Don Cragen emerged from his office, looked at his three officers and sighed deeply.

"Something wrong, Don?" Olivia asked, moving from her desk to him, he looked unwell.

Elliot was on his feet and with them instantly. Don's face was ashen; he grabbed his boss' arm. "What is it? Do you need me to call you a bus?" Don shook his head.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked again. Don shook his head and nodded towards Fin, "I'll wait for him."

Fin hung up the phone and all four headed into Don's office.

"Man, you look crook, Don, can I get you somethin'?" Fin offered, leaning forward his hands on the desk.

"No, Fin, I'm okay." Don turned to look out the window briefly, before turning back and facing three very concerned faces.

"Look, Fin, El, Liv," he looked at each one as he spoke their names. "This is never easy but it has to be done." Elliot and Olivia exchanged worried looks. "Um, I had a phone call about ten minutes ago from Mercy Hospital…" he paused.

"And?" Elliot prompted. This was bad news, big time bad news, and he wanted to know it now.

"Seems John was taken in last night by bus after suffering a heart attack, it was pretty bad," he explained, sitting in his chair. Elliot and Fin looked at each other, the guilt running through them turning their blood ice cold.

"And how is he?" Olivia asked. "Can we see him?"

Don shook his head. "Nah, he didn't make it."

Stunned silence filled the room. Don rested his head in his hands, Olivia sat down in the chair and clasped her hands, Elliot stared out the window and Fin just stared into space, this was not the way an unremarkable day was supposed to go.

Elliot was the first one to break the silence.

"Um, oh, what do we do now?" he said, to no one in particular. Olivia looked up at him. "I mean…do we call someone…and who? I mean there are four ex-wives but do we call them? What about the … the arrangements…for the…you know?"

Don looked at him and slowly shook his head. "Next of kin is listed as me, that's why they phoned here. As for the arrangements," he took a deep breath. "I guess they're up to me too."

"We can help," said Olivia. "We're all in this together, right?" She looked from one man to the next, her eyes finally resting on Fin. "Fin?"

"Ah, yeah, all in this together…we should do this …these arrangements…" he paused; he looked up and caught sight of a squad photograph taken six months earlier. John wasn't smiling, he rarely did but he was in the picture, where he belonged. Fin shook his head. "Oh shit!" he continued. "I can't deal with this." He made for the door and slammed it behind him. Don slumped back in his chair, Elliot went back to staring out the window and Olivia clasped her hands, allowing a single tear to slip down her cheek unchecked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**There hasn't been much support for this story, but that's okay, I'm writing it anyway…:D**

The shrill ring of the telephone in Don's office made them all jump; he answered it, spoke tersely and slammed down the receiver.

"Damn Sergeant wants to know if he can have a crew work overtime, like the budget's not tight enough!" he yelled, budgets being the least of his worries.

Olivia stood up and moved around the desk to her boss. She stretched her arms out and he stood and embraced her. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, and she was, sorry for their shared loss, sorry for the loss of a good man, a good friend, sorry she couldn't think of anything more appropriate to say.

"I'm sorry too," Don whispered back, stroking her hair. "But this…" he pulled back, "is not going to get anything sorted. I think I'll make a start on those phone calls." He sat back down.

"Anything you want us to do?" Olivia asked.

"How about you two check on Fin and tell Casey?" Olivia nodded. She moved towards Elliot who was still staring out the window.

"El," she said gently, and stroked his arm.

"Yeah?" he replied startled, his mind had been a million miles away.

"Come here," she said, before taking him in a huge, comforting embrace. She rested her head on his shoulder and gently swayed. "You doing okay?" she whispered.

"Yeah. You?" he whispered, brushing her hair back.

"Yeah. Look we've got to go and see Fin and Casey. You up for it?" she asked, squeezing his hand.

"Yeah," he replied, keeping hold of her hand and leading her out into the bullpen.

The squad room suddenly took on a different appearance than it had fifteen minutes earlier; the walls seemed more faded, their cracks bigger and more unwieldy. The clock's barely audible ticks seemed to echo through the room and although there were several people scattered about it felt emptier than it had ever been.

Olivia quietly walked to Munch's desk; she picked up a pen, his pen, and rolled it between her fingers. It was the same pen he had held just yesterday and pointed at her, trying to win an argument. The same pen he had used to sign his name at the bottom of the report still sitting in the tray, probably the last time he had written his own name, the last time he made his mark. She shook her head to clear away the tears; this was not the time or the place to breakdown. She took the pen and placed it in her drawer. A ninety four cent pen would be her memento of him.

Meanwhile, Elliot looked for Fin, finding him on the roof.

"You okay, Fin?" he asked. He knew it was a stupid question, but could think of nothing else.

"I think so man…to tell you the truth I'm not to sure how I'm feeling. Numb, I guess. How are you guys?" he asked, putting Elliot and Olivia as one, something he always did.

"Much the same as you," Elliot sighed deeply. "Look, Don wants Liv and me to go tell Casey. After that what's say we pull a plug on work and spend the rest of the day at the bar?"

"What about the job? There was a new case in this morning that Munch…" he stopped, the name itself bringing tears to his eyes. "That we were supposed to be on."

"Captain can call in relief. What do you say?" Elliot asked.

Fin nodded.

Half an hour later, Elliot and Olivia were seated in Casey's office awaiting her imminent arrival from court. The verdict in her latest case had been handed down earlier; she'd won and was very pleased with herself. Her self-satisfied smile lasted from the court room to the moment she opened her door and saw her friends sitting in silence.

Casey looked from one to the other and they looked at her, no one quite daring to speak. She bit down on her bottom lip, trying to keep her composure, this was bad news, the silence was speaking volumes.

"Who's going to tell me?" she finally asked, her voice calm and even, belying the somersaults of her stomach.

Olivia stood and went to her. "Come and sit," she said, leading her to a chair.

"Well?" Casey prompted, holding onto Olivia's hand. "It's John, isn't it?"

Elliot nodded, surprised at her picking it instantly. "Oh God!" Tears began to fall unrelentingly.

Olivia wrapped her arms around her sobbing friend and tried to soothe her but nothing was helping. Just as quickly as she started, she stopped.

"How? When?" Casey asked, wiping her face.

"Heart attack, this morning," Elliot said softly.

"Oh," she replied before quietly sobbing again. Elliot went to get her a bottle of water from the break room fridge.

Olivia passed her the box of Kleenex from her desk and sat beside her.

"I'm really sorry, Case," she said, brushing Casey's hair back. "I know how much you loved him, really loved him." Casey nodded, tears bubbling over again. "And I know it's been difficult for you two having a relationship for the past few months which no one else knew about." She nodded again. "But you know we're here for you. The guys don't know, unless Munch told them, but we are all here for you, okay?"

Elliot stood in the doorway staggered by the conversation. He now knew why John Munch had had a spring in his step lately, why Casey had made more than her usual number of visits to the precinct and why she knew the moment she saw Olivia's face, it was John. He remained standing there, telling himself he did not want to interrupt their conversation. The truth was he didn't want to go in until he had his own emotions under control. Having a secret love was very close to home, losing that love would devastate him. Losing his partner would devastate him. But in his case it was one in the same person and if he ever lost Olivia, his life would not be worth living. The tears glistening in his eyes were for her, and her alone. He loved her so much it hurt, he couldn't imagine how Casey would deal with losing the one she loved so much.

An hour later, Fin, Casey, Elliot and Olivia sat in a booth in the back of the bar, a near empty pitcher of beer sat in the middle of the table, their glasses filled. Excess suds dripped down the jug and onto the worn wooden table, Olivia stared as little pools formed, around the base. Elliot watched her intently, her pain was evident but she was dealing with it the way she dealt with any pain, she was ignoring it. Casey sat between Olivia and Fin, playing with the napkin in her hands. She had shredded a quarter of it before she picked up her beer and drank it steadily.

"Whoa, Case," said Fin, taking the glass away. "We've got all day to drink, slow down." Casey gave him half a smile and leant back against the leather seat. It was going to be a bloody long day.

She rested her head against Fin's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her, drawing her closer. He knew she had been more than friends with his partner, he had never been explicitly told but he knew. Olivia looked at Elliot and he wrapped his arm around her, she shuffled along the seat to be closer to him. She felt his lips on her head and she sighed before picking up her glass and downing the remnants. Nothing more was said.

Don walked in twenty minutes later, ordered another pitcher for the table and soda water for himself. He sat down next to Elliot and looked at the faces of his colleagues and friends. He filled their glasses and then raised his own.

"This is for you, John, goodbye friend." He raised his glass and the others followed likewise. After a few minutes of silence, he continued. "Now, I've been in contact with John's lawyer and it seems he had stipulated a few things about his …um…his final wishes."

"What did he want?" asked Elliot, looking at his boss' troubled face.

"Nothing! The lawyer was specifically instructed that John wanted his body cremated and ashes scattered in private –no viewing, no service, no memorial, nothing."

Casey sighed and shook her head. "No, he can't have it like that."

"They're his last wishes, Case, we should respect them," Olivia said quietly.

"No!" Casey looked her friend in the eye. "None of us have actually seen him dead have we?" Olivia shook her head. "So, how do we know it's true? Huh? How do we know he's not gone undercover or into Witness Protection or…" She searched Olivia's face for any sign of agreement or support, it wasn't forthcoming.

"Casey, I saw him," Don said, looking across at her. "When these two went to see you, I went to the hospital. It was him. Doctor said it was a major myocardial infarction and the autopsy would confirm this."

"Autopsy?" echoed Casey. "You're going to let them cut him open?" Disdain in her voice.

"Have to, Case, you know that, right?" Olivia said. Casey nodded slightly. She didn't like it but she did understand. She grabbed her glass and drank it dry.

The day wore on, minutes felt like hours, hours seemed endless and the beer flowed until Casey threw up over the floor, not quite making it to the bathroom. Olivia took her into the bathroom and washed her friend's face.

"Casey, I'm going to take you home, okay?" She phrased it as a question but it was a statement.

"No, Liv, I don't want to go home," Casey replied softly. She didn't want to walk into her apartment, the same one she and John had spent the entire weekend in. She didn't want to see his shirts hanging in her cupboard or smell his aftershave. Most of all she didn't want to sleep in the bed where they had spent their weekend without sleeping. "Please Liv, I can't."

"Okay Case, you can come home with me." Olivia took her friend's hand and led her back to the booth.

"Guys, I'm going to take Casey home…to my place," she said, picking up her jacket. "Do you want me to take you home?" Elliot asked, standing up before helping Casey on with her jacket.

"Thanks," Olivia smiled. "We'll be fine. Why don't you…" her voice trailed off but she nodded in Fin's direction.

"Yeah, okay," Elliot said. "Call me if you need me for anything?"

"Same?" she replied. He nodded.

Olivia put on her jacket as Casey said goodbye to Elliot, she moved over to Fin and kissed his cheek.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, Fin," she said, hugging him tightly.

"Yeah, okay, Liv," he muttered, he was beyond thinking about today and tomorrow, his thoughts were drowning in beer and in the past. She moved past Casey and back to Elliot. There were no words to say goodbye to him, nothing she could think of would express what she was truly feeling. She took in a deep breath then released it in a big sigh.

Elliot sensed her troubles and wrapped her in his arms. She reciprocated and held onto him. She clasped tighter, held him closer than ever before in their relationship. She knew it was longer than it should be, more intense than they were permitted but at this point she didn't care. Finally she began to break away and to her surprise realised Elliot was still holding her tightly, he wasn't prepared to let her go, not just yet.

Olivia reached up and kissed his cheek. "Call me later, please?"

It was such a simple phrase but it was laden with quiet desperation and sorrow. He kissed her forehead before releasing her. "I will."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

Snuggled deep under the quilt, Olivia was surprised to feel the bed behind her shift. She wearily opened her eyes and turned around and was surprised to see Casey asleep in her bed. It took all of five seconds for the reality of the day before to catch up with her. Tears gathered and fell silently as she laid there thinking about John Munch; true they had never been the best of friends but he was one of the few people she would trust with her life. Through tears she managed to read the clock on the side table, it was not yet six. Olivia wiped her eyes with her sleeve and pulled the quilt up again, perhaps if she went back to sleep the reality would disappear and be replaced something so much better.

When Olivia awoke again, some two hours later, it was to a much better thought and feeling. She smiled as she opened her eyes, she knew Elliot was there.

"Hey," she mumbled as she struggled to sit up.

"Hey Liv, sorry I didn't ring, Fin wasn't in to good a state by the time I got him home and I just passed out on his sofa," he said softly, not wanting to wake Casey. "How are things here?"

"Ooh, probably not much better. Casey wasn't well at all when we got home and I think it was about three before she fell asleep," Olivia said, looking at her sleeping friend.

"How are you doing?" he asked, drawing her face back to him. Olivia shrugged. "That good, hey?"

"Yeah. What about yourself?" Olivia asked, taking his hand in hers. He had known Munch a lot longer than herself or Fin. "You doing okay?"

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. They sat and stared for a while longer before Olivia spoke again.

"How come you're here?" she asked, not that she minded in the least.

"Cragen rang me, we need to reinterview Albert Detolf," Elliot explained.

"Why?" Olivia yawned and stretched out her arms.

"Some shit about us 'misunderstanding' what he said the first time," Elliot replied, wanting nothing more than to sit here, on her bed, for the rest of the day.

"And it has to be today?" Olivia wasn't keen on going anywhere else either.

"Yeah, Liv, it has to be today." Elliot looked down, surprised to find her hand back in his.

"Then I guess we should get moving." Elliot stood up and Olivia swung her legs out, he couldn't help but stare. Olivia smiled to herself.

Closing the bathroom door behind her, ended Elliot's viewing pleasure and he shook his head and admonished himself about his teenaged infatuation.

"You should do something about that," Casey said, her voice muffled by her pillow.

"What?" Elliot spun around.

"You should do something about you and Olivia. You're not married, she's not married…" her voice trailed off.

"Yeah Casey, but…" Elliot began.

"But nothing…something is better than…than…nothing at all." Quietly she started sobbing into her pillow. Elliot sat on the bed and reclined into the pillows before wrapping his arms around Casey and holding her tightly. "I…mean…John's gone…but at least we had three…three months. It would be…be so much worse…if we had nothing." She buried her head in his chest and cried hard. His own eyes filled with tears as he ran his hand up and down her arm and tried to find the right words to comfort his friend, none came.

Casey had stopped crying but was still in Elliot's arms when Olivia returned ready for work. She smiled as she entered her room.

"Morning Case," she said, "Look El and I need to go see a witness. It shouldn't take more than a couple of hours. Are you going to be alright?"

"Yeah," she said a soft smile on her face. "I think I may just stay right here until you get back – if that's okay with you?"

"It's fine by me. There's stuff in the cupboards and fridge for breakfast, so help yourself and I'll bring lunch back with me," Olivia said, putting on her jacket.

"Liv, don't fuss so much. I'm not hungry so I won't be eating anything," Casey said, finally releasing Elliot so he could get up.

"Casey, you didn't eat yesterday either. You'll have to try…" Olivia began.

"Liv, Casey will be okay. Just let her sleep some more," Elliot interrupted. He kissed Casey's forehead. "You call us if you need anything."

Elliot walked through the living room to the front door before realising Olivia wasn't with him. He turned back and found her stopped near her sideboard, holding a photo of herself, Elliot, Fin and Munch. He moved back to her and took the photo from her.

"I can't believe he's gone," Olivia said in a barely audible voice, looking at Elliot, tears brimming.

Elliot glanced at the photo. "Me neither."

"It just doesn't seem possible…I mean…God, El…I don't know what I mean." Her tears escaped, despite her best efforts. Elliot put down the photo and wrapped his arms around her.

"Liv, it's okay," he soothed, though he knew it wasn't. He gently rocked them back and forth and rested his cheek against her hair. Olivia took several deep breaths, drawing in his scent. Even when they weren't getting along, the mere smell of him was enough comfort to her.

She lifted her head and saw his crystal blue eyes were watery. She raised her hand to his cheek and brushed away a teardrop sitting on his cheek.

"We're going to get through this together, Elliot," she said, love spoken in each word. He nodded before brushing his lips against hers. "Yeah, together."

As duty dictated, they left the apartment and went to see Albert Detolf; it was a sense of normality in what had rapidly become a very unfamiliar world.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

It was late Friday evening, Olivia was clearing away the Chinese take out boxes and Fin and Elliot were watching a game on the TV. Casey followed Olivia out to the kitchen.

"Liv, you got a minute?" she asked startling her friend.

"Sure Case, what's up?" Olivia turned around and leant on the counter.

"A few things…um, well, thanks for everything this week, I really don't…" her voice cracked as tears pooled in her eyes yet again.

"You're welcome." Olivia gave her a quick hug.

"Um…I also think I need to think about going home. I know I have to …so maybe tomorrow, is that okay?" Casey asked, her voice childlike.

"Sure, Casey you know you are welcome to stay here for as long as you like?" Olivia said.

"Yeah, and I appreciate it, I really do…." She paused.

"What else, Casey?" Olivia asked, sensing Casey's reluctance to continue.

"Um, well you know John didn't want any sort of thing…service…" Olivia nodded slowly. "I do though…I need some sort of ….some sort of…"

"Closure?" Olivia offered filling in the blank.

"Yeah, closure." She wiped at her eyes. "I don't want to disrespect him but when he made those arrangements it as just him not me and him…I need something to say…well, goodbye…you know?"

Olivia nodded, she knew all to well closure was essential to end life's traumatic experiences.

xoxox

When all signs of dinner had been cleared away, the ladies made their way back to the living room. Casey sat in the armchair and Olivia sat on the sofa beside Elliot.

"Who's winning?" Olivia asked. The men looked at each other after twenty minutes of game and watching in silence, they didn't have a clue. "Doesn't matter," she added, picking up the remote and turning it off.

"Guys, we need your help," Olivia began. When she had their attention she explained Casey's request. A few different ideas were added, in between long, uncomfortable silences. Olivia shook her head, they were getting nowhere fast.

"How about some coffee?" she offered getting up; maybe caffeine would get the brain cells working. "Casey, do you want something to eat now? You hardly touched dinner."

"No thanks Liv, I'm fine," she said, tucking her knees up under her chin. She folded her arms around her legs and rested her head on her knees. Her face was pale, her eyes rimmed in red and, despite her words, Casey Novak was anything but fine.

Elliot sat there looking from Fin to Casey, neither of them were great company at the moment and while he didn't blame them, he felt uncomfortable. He headed to the kitchen to help Olivia. As he did, someone knocked on the door.

"I'll get it," he called. He opened the door and welcomed his boss. "Come on in, Don," he said, taking his jacket.

Don walked over to the sofa and sat at the very end, he exchanged a few words with Fin and Casey while Elliot continued on to the kitchen.

"Was that Don I heard?" Olivia asked, turning to him.

"Yeah. Can I do anything for you?" Elliot volunteered. Olivia suppressed her first thoughts which were totally inappropriate.

"You can take those coffees out for Fin and Casey if you like," Olivia said, smiling.

"I like…" Elliot said, kissing her cheek as he passed by.

He returned to pick up cups for himself and Don and Olivia brought in her own cup and a plate of chocolate biscuits. When they were both sitting again, the stilted conversation resumed

"Don, Casey wants to do something for John," Elliot explained as he sat between Olivia and his boss. "She knows…"

"I think that's a good idea, Case," Don said, sipping his coffee. "What did you have in mind?"

"Um…something simple, something that's just us and maybe Melinda. Nothing formal," Casey answered and Don nodded.

"Sounds good. Where? When?" he asked.

They looked at each other; they hadn't thought that far ahead.

"Tomorrow," Olivia offered, no one would have to take the time off work and they could spend the day together.

"Yeah, that works," said Fin, breaking his self imposed silence. "Maybe we can go to Blauvelt State Park; John talked about it a few times. I think his dad took him there hiking… Maybe we can bring lunch and, you know, just hang out, chill."

Don nodded again. "I'll handle lunch; can you guys get yourselves there?"

"Yeah, we can do that," Elliot answered.

The conversation turned to more mundane trivial matters before Don made a move to leave.

"Hey Don," said Fin, stumbling to his feet. "Can I get a ride?"

"Sure son," replied Don, glad he wasn't driving in his current state.

They said their goodbyes and departed. Not long after, Casey said goodnight and that just left Elliot and Olivia. She went to pick up the cups, but Elliot took them back off her and made her sit down again.

"We haven't had much of a chance to talk these last few days, have we Liv?" Elliot said quietly, taking her hand in his. She shook her head. "Do you want to talk? About John. About …anything?" She shook her head again, her eyes fixed on their united hands. "Liv?" He drew her face around with his free hand.

"El," she dropped her head but he brought it up again. "I don't want to... talk…to you." she said in a whisper.

"What do you want to do?" he asked.

"This…" Slowly she snaked her arms around his neck and drew him close to her. He didn't resist. She brought her lips to his and with a touch as gentle as a butterfly kissed him three times, each one soft and tender, sending his senses into overdrive.

Surprised by her actions, Elliot pulled back just a little; he gazed into her chocolate eyes trying to work out where these amazing kisses came from. Olivia smiled and pulled him closer still, it was all he needed to return her kisses with increasing passion and urgency.

Before long they were lying on the sofa, bodies entwined, as deep, passionate kisses were exchanged. Olivia ran her hand down his shirt then up underneath it. Elliot began unbuttoning her shirt and kissing her breasts as they came into view. He then trailed a line of kisses back up to her neck and smiled when he heard her moan. He upped the intensity of his kisses, then gently pulled her leg from underneath him and she wrapped it around him. A few more highly charged kisses took place before they both moved to reposition themselves, causing them to tumble from the sofa.

The turn of events caught them by surprise and despite the heightened tension, Olivia could only giggle. Elliot joined in finding the same humour in the situation. He struggled to his feet before offering both of his hands to Olivia and helping her up.

"Where were we?" he said, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"What happened?" asked Casey, standing in the doorway bleary eyed. The pair broke away.

"I fell off the couch," said Elliot, technically it wasn't a lie. Casey eyed him up and down; it took her a minute to register.

"Oh God, guys, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt…" she said moving back into the bedroom.

With Casey back in bed, Elliot brought his lips back down to Olivia's. She kissed him with a passion he had never experienced. He moved his hands to take this further but she broke away.

"That, Elliot Stabler, is a kiss goodnight," she said, moving away from him.

"Goodnight?" he echoed.

"Yes, goodnight. Casey is in the other room and tomorrow is going to be a long day," Olivia said quietly.

"Liv, you can't kiss me like that and then say goodnight," Elliot whispered.

"El, when we have the place to ourselves I'll kiss you much better than that." Olivia smiled broadly, leading him to the door.

"One more? Please?" Elliot asked, in a childlike voice.

"Very well," she said with mock derision. She took his face in her hands and kissed him again and again and again, until she finally needed air. "Now goodnight – pick us up at ten."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo

**_I'm going away for a few days so next chapter may not be up 'til Sunday._**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**Thanks Mariposa Angel!**

Elliot arrived at Olivia's door at 9:00 am and knocked repeatedly but no one opened it. He put down the tray of coffees and bag of Danishes and fished his keys out from his pocket. Opening the door he called out to Olivia but got no answer, there was no sound from anywhere and the blinds were still drawn.

After closing the door behind him and depositing the breakfast provisions in the kitchen he headed to the bedroom and found both still asleep. He headed to the window and drew back the curtains slightly, allowing a small stream of daylight in. Moving back around the bed he sat next to Olivia and watched her face, even though she was sleeping he knew she was uneasy, pain and sadness were still ever present. He ached to crawl in next to her and comfort her until the only emotion she knew was joy but he didn't. He looked across to Casey, her face still pale, save for the dark circles under her eyes. She muttered something which Elliot couldn't understand before sitting bolt upright startling him.

"Case, are you okay?" he asked, moving round to her side.

She stared at him, unsure as to whether she was still asleep or awake.

"Casey, are you okay?" he repeated, bringing his hand to her face and gently patting her cheek. She blinked several times and shook her head.

"El, yeah, sorry, I'm okay…I think…" She looked towards the clock. "Are you guys waiting on me? Did I oversleep?"

"No, I'm early and Liv's still asleep," Elliot whispered, pointing towards Olivia.

"Oh," muttered Casey leaning back into the pillows.

"I've got coffee out there and Danishes, they're your favourites. Do you want to come and have some breakfast?" Elliot asked. He knew she wasn't eating, who could in a situation like this, he also knew telling her she had to eat wouldn't work either. He was hoping to entice her to eat something, anything.

It didn't work and she shook her head. "Thanks Elliot but I'm not hungry."

"That's okay," he replied brightly, "more for me. How about you go have your shower and maybe then you'll feel like eating?"

Casey nodded though she knew she wouldn't feel like it. Her stomach had been a solid knot since she heard of John's death. It contracted at the thought of anything going into it, and just when the knot was as tight as it could be, it would untangle itself, send waves of nausea through her and eject any morsel which had dared to enter. On Elliot's advice she headed for the bathroom instead, threw up the four forkfuls of chicken chow mien she had eaten the night before and turned on the shower.

Elliot took the opportunity to act on his earlier thought and crawled into the bed beside Olivia. He put his head on her pillow and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her towards him. As she started to stir, he kissed her forehead.

"Morning Livvy," he whispered.

"Morning El," she replied dreamily, eyes still fluttering, not quite open.

He kissed her forehead again and her eyes shot open and sat up quickly, head butting him in the process.

"Ow!" he yelled, recoiling.

"Elliot, I'm so sorry," Olivia said, gently touching his forehead. "You scared me!"

"I scared you? You had already said good morning to me," he replied with confusion.

"I'm sorry, I thought I was dreaming, I didn't except to really see you here," she slumped back onto the pillows.

"You thought you were dreaming?" he asked, a playful smile on his lips. "Dream of me often?"

"More than I should!" she muttered before she could stop herself. They looked at each other; Elliot couldn't figure out who was more shocked by the comment him or Olivia herself.

There was no time to dissect the statement as Casey came back into the bedroom and Olivia went into the bathroom. Elliot headed to the kitchen drank his lukewarm coffee and ate two of the Danishes. By 10:15 am they were on the road headed to Blauvelt State Park.

For the first part of the journey the three chatted about trivial matters, ordinary everyday things which make up life's little moments. They discussed traffic flow, sports results, last week's case but as the drive continued there was less to say and the silences were becoming more unbearable. Elliot leant forward and turned on the radio happy for the distraction and noise. Casey rested her head on the back of her seat and closed her eyes.

"Do you want me to turn it off or down, Case?" Elliot asked, seeing her in the rear vision mirror.

"No, no, noise is good," she replied before closing her eyes again and trying to concentrate on not thinking about where they were going.

Olivia sat quietly for a long time, listening to the rehash of 1980's songs and staring at the scenery. Once in a while she made a comment or two but for the most part she sat in silence. Halfway into the trip, the monotonous music and the movement of the car had lulled Casey into sleep.

"Casey's asleep," Elliot whispered looking over at Olivia.

"That's good," Olivia replied and then went back to staring out the window.

Not long after, Elliot felt her hand on his, as it rested on the gearstick. He glanced over and she was still staring off into space but her hand was on his and her fingers were gently tapping his in time with the melody on the radio. It was a subconscious move on Olivia's behalf, she hadn't realised it was happening until she felt his thumb curl up around her little finger and lock their hands together.

"Sorry," she muttered trying to retract her hand.

"Why?" asked Elliot quietly, keeping hold of it.

"I shouldn't have…Sorry…I mean I didn't realise…" She didn't know how to explain it, except she had an aching need to touch him, to feel his warm, living body in any way, shape or form, and not to think about the body of John Munch having been burnt to a crisp and his ashes thrown to the winds and scattered over the banks of the Hudson River.

"You never have to be sorry," Elliot replied, entwining his fingers with her. It would be a cold day in hell before he wouldn't welcome her touch.

They drove on further, conversation ended, Casey sleeping, only the radio providing distraction. The sun streamed through the windows warming the car, the weather unusual for this time of year. Ten minutes from their destination, Elliot looked over and smiled when he saw Olivia too was sleeping, this time a more relaxed expression on her face than he had seen that morning. He raised her hand and kissed it twice before lowering it again.

"Glad to see you're finally doing something," Casey said, surprising him.

"Oh, ah, you're awake," he said, stating the obvious.

"Yep!" she smiled at him.

"Look Casey, um…" he started.

"It's okay, Elliot, just that next time do it when she's awake." She smiled and closed her eyes again. She knew they were nearly at their destination but she didn't want to ask. The longer it took the better, she wasn't prepared to say goodbye to John just yet. If they could just keep on driving for another hour or another three days…maybe then, just not now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**Thanks Mariposa Angel!**

Elliot flicked the indicator on and slowed for his right hand turn into the entrance of the park. He drove slowly down the dirt track and into the car park, pulling up next to Don's car. He looked across at Olivia and then into the rear vision mirror, both women had their eyes closed but he knew neither of them were sleeping, just trying to shut out the inevitable.

"We're here," he said turning off the ignition and plunging the car into silence. There was no response. He squeezed Olivia's hand which was back sitting on her lap. "Liv, we're here." She opened her eyes and looked at him, she said nothing.

He got out of the car and opened the back door.

"It's time, Casey," he said gently, helping her from the car. She climbed out and stood staring into the park, a gentle smile crossed her lips as she took in its beauty and feeling of serenity. Olivia got out and joined her while Elliot opened the trunk and grabbed some blankets and a few fold up chairs. By the time he had locked the car he looked up to find his travelling companions had left him and were walking arm in arm towards the picnic area. He smiled; glad none of them were going through this alone.

Don, Fin, Melinda and George had already set up an area in the picnic ground having come in Don's car. Greetings were exchanged and they sat or stood around not really knowing what to do or say. This wasn't a funeral - the body had already gone, it wasn't a memorial service – John didn't want one of those and it certainly wasn't your normal run-of-the-mill social picnics.

It was Elliot who voiced the difficulties they were all having. "What do we do now?" Several sets of blank faces looked his way. "I mean…well, do we say something and if we do is that against his…John's wishes?"

"I don't think so," said George. Although he and John had not been close and this was supposed to be an intimate gathering, Don had asked him along as a friend but also for his professional expertise. For many reasons, least of all that John Munch was dead and nothing would ever change that, his death had impacted severely on his unit. It had triggered other events, brought up related and unrelated issues which his team had never dealt with properly, none of them being a fan of speaking to George when his shingle was out. Don hoped George's presence today would hopefully give his team, his family, some mechanism to deal with this event, to deal with other traumas in their lives, to find some happiness within the stuffed up world they lived.

George moved to the back of the gathering, not wanting to take centre stage nor wanting the others to think he was presiding over proceedings.

"I'll start," said Melinda when nobody else spoke. "John Munch was a man who spoke his mind, called black black and white white, so I'll do the same. He was a strong willed, opinionated, sometimes arrogant man who had an amazing capacity to come up with the weirdest conspiracies and reasons for things. If he didn't agree with a finding he'd let me know it, and undoubtedly I'd be on the end of tirade relating to government bureaucracy and red tape cover ups which would have my brain reeling. And as much as it would frustrate me, I know I am going to miss it. I am going to miss the lively debate, the questions, the conspiracies and above all I'm going to miss the man. He had a deep and undying passion for those he loved and for what he loved and I was proud to call him my friend." Melinda sat down next to Casey and hugged her tightly.

"Well, I'll go next," Elliot said, clearing his throat. "I must say Mel's pretty much pegged him. He was driven, sometimes to the extreme, but his dedication paid off so many times. He could argue a point ad infinitum with amazing energy just for the sake of arguing, not because he believed it. He would frustrate you to the point where you just wanted to belt him and then he'd smile and offer to buy you a beer. He was the first man I met coming into SVU and I trusted him…and I won't forget him." Elliot took a deep breath. "So John..." he continued, using his name for the first time, "I don't know where you've gone or whether you've solved the mysteries of the universe yet, but you'll always be right here." He thumped his right fist over his heart and moved over to the old tree nearby and leant against it.

"How do you follow that?" said Don, getting to his feet. "I guess I say ditto and hope John knew in life just how much we thought of him. If I can share one thing with you though, John Munch came to me about two months ago now and sat in my office smiling. I know, hard to believe isn't it? A smiling John Munch is something we didn't see too much off. Anyhow, he sat there smiling at me and just wanted to chat so we did. Not about anything life altering, just about everyday things but he was a happy man." He stopped and looked at Casey before continuing. "I asked him about his newfound demeanour and he just smiled and said 'Life's good – real good.' This from a man who I doubt had ever uttered those words before. So no matter what made up the rest of his years, we can take comfort in the fact he died a happy and contented man."

"My turn, I guess," Olivia began looking at the faces of her colleagues, her friends. "When I transferred to SVU I was the rookie, the rest were veterans and I knew that going in. I expected them to be old, sexist and rough around the edges and the first one I met was John. We were standing near the elevator and he was going by with a perp and knocked into me. 'You looking for someone, missy?' he said. I said 'No, I'm a cop I'm supposed to be here.' He looked me up and down and said 'This is SVU not Vice.' I told him I was the new SVU member and he muttered something about the police department going to hell in a hand basket. . I remember rolling my eyes, taking a deep breath and wondering whether I'd ever fit in. I never admitted it to him but he scared me, for the longest time I never quite knew how to take him, whether he was being serious or just trying to wind me up. We then got partnered up for the Manaritti Case and he saved my life, I've loved him ever since. Never told him though, he didn't like displays of affection and I guess I didn't want to ruin our new relationship. So John, if you're listening, thanks for that day and for all the days we had together. I loved you."

The group looked at those who hadn't spoken. George waved his hand, not wanting to say anything. This was an intimate moment between friends and although he was privileged to share it, he didn't feel he should contribute. Fin and Casey exchanged looks and Casey nodded.

"Looks like I'm up," said Fin, shuffling his feet in the dirt. "Don't think there's much more to add. Munch pretty much knew how I felt about him, God knows we spent enough time telling each other usually in a heated discussion over some case or some theory of his. There were days I was tempted to beat the shit out of him or wished he'd choke on one of the endless spiels he'd go on with. Hell, one day he'd pissed me off so much about the government selling arms to some godforsaken country when the perp drew a gun on us my first thought was 'God yes, shoot him'. But now he's gone and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do." Fin dropped his head and shuffled his feet again and silence ensued.

"I loved him," Casey said quietly, breaking the silence. "I was in love with him, desperately. Might sound strange I mean me in love with him…John Munch. Believe me; it came as a huge shock to me too. Everything that's been said is true and over the last three months I've often caught myself wondering how I could love a man like that and I have no answer. There's no rhyme or reason to why we fall in love with the person we do, we just do." She paused and looked at Elliot. "I know I wanted this thing today but I can't actually bring myself to say goodbye. I can't acknowledge that he's gone, that I'll never see him again – my heart won't let me. If he had of died four months ago I would have been saddened but my life would have gone on. Now, I can't imagine my life without him in it, I can't see beyond the here and now – I don't want to see beyond it. I don't want night to come because it will mean a new day; another day without him, another day gone since he was here." The tears which had been threatening bubbled over and cascaded down her cheeks. Melinda hugged her tightly and the silence which had become part of their lives in recent times returned.

The rest of the day was marginally more uplifting, a hike through the park for all but Casey who didn't feel up to it and George who offered to keep her company. When they returned lunch had been set up and ate well, except for Casey who watched on with a detached sadness.

When they arrived back at Olivia's it was late. Elliot walked them up to the apartment and then sat on the sofa quietly chatting to Olivia after Casey had gone to bed. He wasn't sure what he should do, he knew he didn't want to go but Olivia hadn't asked him to stay. Debate raged through his mind as Olivia sat there oblivious to his conundrum, just as he was about to speak Casey woke up screaming and crying in the bedroom and they both ran in.

Casey had been having a nightmare, the drama and pain still clearly etched on her face. There was panic in her eyes and her breathing was still erratic. Olivia climbed into the bed beside her and held her tightly. Elliot couldn't quite work out what she was saying to her but soon Casey calmed and her breathing eased.

"I'll just be out here," he whispered to Olivia, feeling totally useless "Call me if you need me."

When Casey had finally succumbed to sleep once again, Olivia extracted herself from the bed and returned to the living room to find Elliot sound asleep on the sofa. She covered him with her spare quilt and kissed his head. "Night El," she whispered as she turned off the light and headed back to her own bed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**Thanks Mariposa Angel!**

Elliot awoke early, finding Olivia's sofa was not the most comfortable place to sleep. He closed his eyes again and imagined how wonderful it would be to walk the few feet into her bedroom and climb into bed with her. He imagined her limbs entwined in his, resuming Friday's activities minus the tumble off the sofa. He smiled to himself as he remembered the way she felt, tasted, smelt. He remembered her hand traveling around his body and the way every nerve ending reacted to her gentle touch. He drifted off again with pleasant thoughts running through his mind.

A while later Elliot shifted on the sofa, yet again, before pulling the quilt a little higher. Slowly he opened his eyes and to his delight saw Olivia sitting on the arm of the chair watching him.

"Hey Liv," he murmured, stretching his hand towards her.

"Hey yourself." She let herself be pulled towards him. "How did you sleep?"

"Okay," he lied. "You?"

"Not too well, Casey was up being sick a couple of times." She lay down beside him and she pulled the quilt over them both.

"She's not doing too well, is she?" he asked, kissing the top of Olivia's head.

"No, she's not. She's not eating, definitely not sleeping." She snuggled in closer.

"Liv…is it possible there's something else wrong?" Elliot asked, lazily running his hand up and down her arm.

"Like a bug or something?" Olivia raised her head to look at him.

"Um…well…I was thinking more like pregnancy. I mean, she's been vomiting all week, she's whiter than snow and well, we know she and John were … very active in their conjugal pursuits," Elliot said, his cheeks slightly colouring.

"I guess it's possible," Olivia said after a short pause. "But I don't know if now's the time to come straight out and ask."

"You don't have to ask directly," El said, raising an eyebrow. "You could …sort of…well, you could talk about her general health and maybe …you know, bring up the girly aspect."

"The girly aspect?" Olivia asked, trying to stifle a laugh.

"Yeah, you know, see if she's…um…late…" he stopped.

"God, Elliot," Olivia laughed. "You must have been a great help to Kathy when your girls got their periods."

"Well, we had a deal, I talk to Dickie, she talks to the girls," Elliot defended himself.

"And what have you told Dickie about the girly things?" Olivia asked, trying to maintain a serious demeanour.

"Well, I told him that even when he is old like me, he still wouldn't understand women or how to deal with them at certain times of the month," Elliot reported.

"And what did he say to that?" Olivia asked, resting her head on his shoulder once more.

"He asked me when I thought I'd understand. I said I had lived a long time with five women and I understood less now than I did when I was his age," Elliot said, twisting strands of her hair around his fingers.

"Five women?" Olivia looked up at him puzzled.

"Yeah, Kathy, Maureen, Kathleen, Lizzy…" he paused.

"That's only four," Olivia said.

"Well, yeah, there's also you," he closed his eyes, not daring to look at her.

"You count me as one of your 'women'?" she asked, hitting his chest playfully.

"Well, I mean, yeah, after all these years…"

Olivia smiled, more than happy to be considered 'his' in any manner of speaking.

Their friendly silence was interrupted by Casey in the bathroom once again.

"Maybe you're right about the pregnancy thing," Olivia conceded. "There's a twenty-four hour drug store on the next block if you want to go get a pregnancy test kit for her."

"Me!" Elliot sprung upright, nearly knocking Olivia off the sofa.

"Yes you, it was your idea!" she replied.

"But…" he began his protest.

"Fine Elliot, I'll go…you go talk to Casey about the 'girly' aspect then," Olivia stood up.

"Drug store it is." He was gone before Olivia could say another word.

There were one hundred and ninety three steps between Olivia's apartment building and the entrance to the CVS Drug Store. Elliot had counted each one in his attempt to take him mind off what he was doing. Casey being pregnant would explain her current state, but with the father very recently deceased, he wondered how anyone, even Casey, would cope with a positive result. He drew a deep breath and entered the store.

Anxiously he perused the four shelves of pregnancy kits. "Discover One Step, Crystal Clear, Pregnosis, Fortel, Fortel Ultra," Elliot mumbled to himself as he scanned the shelf. "Clear Blue – god, that'll do!" He grabbed it from the shelf and headed to the register. He paid for it before shoving it into his pocket, mumbling his thanks to the sales assistant.

"Good luck, sir!" she called after him.

He took two steps towards the door before being stopped in his tracks.

"Clear Blue?" Kathleen said, nearly giving her father heart failure. "Something you need to tell us, _daddy_?"

"Kathleen, what are you doing here?" he replied, completely ignoring her comments.

"I was staying at Chantelle's and I needed some 'girly' things," she replied, enjoying the level of Elliot's discomfort.

"Oh, okay," he mumbled.

"So, the pregnancy test…" Kathleen prompted.

"It's for Ol…" he began.

"You got Liv pregnant!" Kathleen squealed, clapping her hands in delight.

"No! She wanted me to get it for Casey, who's at Liv's apartment." Elliot explained.

"You got Casey pregnant?" Kathleen asked, her eyes widening.

"No Kathleen, God! I didn't get anyone pregnant!" Elliot protested.

"Well, was I left by the stork?" she replied, arching her eyebrow.

"No, I'll rephrase it. I haven't gotten anyone pregnant without being married to them. Okay?" he said.

"Not technically true, father dear, you weren't married when mom got pregnant the first time, were you?" Kathleen chided. Elliot shook his head and damned the education department for teaching his girls basic mathematics.

"Or the last time," she added, watching the expression on her father's face change from frustration to confusion.

"We were married when mom was pregnant with the twins," he said.

"I know, but I meant the last one, the one she's pregnant with now," Kathleen blurted out. Instantly she knew her father hadn't been told.

"Your mother's pregnant?" he asked, barely daring to breathe.

"Yep," replied Kathleen smugly. "And before you ask, it is yours." Elliot shook his head, the news slow to register. "Maybe it's a good thing you weren't the one giving us 'the talk'. At least with Sex Ed at school they cover safe sex, maybe you should try it." She kissed his cheek and disappeared into the store, leaving Elliot utterly bewildered.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**Thanks for all the great reviews!**

Elliot returned to the apartment, his mind swirling and heart racing. His timing sucked big time. For the first time, in what felt like forever, he had known contentment. Lying with Olivia on the sofa, holding her, kissing her, he was content. Sure, he would have liked to strip her naked and have his way with her ten different ways before lunch, but he didn't want to rush things. It had taken them so long just to get to this point.

This point, he shook his head, the point where he knew they could or would pursue a different phase of their partnership. This point where they knew they both needed the other more than they had ever needed anyone else in their lives. This point where he could have the very thing he had spent years yearning for but had stuffed it up by sleeping with his ex-wife and ruining everything. He shook his head again but the swirling mess never abated.

Using his key to let him back into the apartment, he saw Olivia and Casey sitting on the sofa.

"Did you get it?" Olivia asked, as he shrugged off his jacket.

"Yeah." He handed her the package, never looking at her.

"You okay, El?" she asked, noting his colour and changed demeanour.

"Yeah, I'm good." He forced himself to look and smile at her, the guilt catching like a lump in his throat. "How are things here?"

"Well, Casey and I had a chat and …um, she'd like to do the test," Olivia said, handing Casey the package.

"How does it work?" Casey asked her head still in the fog Olivia induced the moment she mentioned the possibility of pregnancy.

Olivia took the box back and read the instructions. "You pee on the stick, wait five minutes. Pink is positive, blue negative…sounds simple enough…"

"For you, yeah. It's going to be the longest five minutes of my life," Casey said, heading towards the bathroom.

Two minutes after Casey disappeared; she reappeared, looking, if at all possible, paler than before.

"I can't do this alone," she said weakly. "Can you guys come wait with me…please?"

"Sure Case," Olivia said moving towards the bedroom. Elliot didn't move, still not over the shock of the earlier pregnancy announcement.

"El," Casey said softly, "you too…please." He forced a smile and headed into the bedroom too.

Casey sat on the edge of the bed between Olivia and Elliot, not really knowing what to hope for. She hadn't planned on a baby so soon. She hadn't planned on being a single mother, ever. And she certainly hadn't planned for the man she loved to impregnate her and then die suddenly. Still, a baby would be good too. A living, breathing reminder of the love she shared with John, a little boy or girl who would be John's legacy in this world, a child she could share her life with, and love unconditionally, that would be good too.

The timer buzzed in the bathroom but no one moved. After another minute, Elliot stood up.

"Do you want me to check?" he asked.

Casey's nod was almost imperceptible.

"Pink is positive, blue is negative," Olivia reminded him as he entered the bathroom. She took Casey's hand in hers and squeezed it tight. "Whatever this is, we're here for you, always." Casey nodded.

Elliot returned holding the stick in his hand. He looked from Casey to Olivia and back again, his face impossible to read. He turned the stick around and smiled.

"Congratulations Mommy!" he said, handing the stick to Casey.

"It's positive?" she asked, barely breathing.

"It's well and truly pink," Elliot replied, sitting beside her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm going to be a mom!?" Casey said, partially a statement, partially a question.

"Looks that way, Case. Congratulations." Olivia kissed her cheek.

They all sat there in silence for a few more minutes.

"I'm going to be a mom," Casey repeated. "A mom." A faint smile graced her lips as the news began to sink in.

"And you're going to be a fantastic one," said Olivia, patting her hand.

Casey nodded. "I'm…I'm…going to hurl," she said, racing for the bathroom.

Elliot and Olivia remained seated on the bed. He knew he should tell her, now was a perfect time, before things went any further between them, while there was still a baby-friendly atmosphere.

"Liv," he said quietly, staring intently at his shoes. "I…um, ran into Kathleen at the drugstore this morning."

"Yeah, how is she?" Olivia asked moving closer to him.

"Good…she…um, told me something I wasn't expecting," he said, shaking his head at his choice of the word expecting.

"What was that?" Olivia's concern was written across her face.

"Well, to make a long story short, Casey's not the only one pregnant. So's Kathy!" he said, daring to glance in Olivia's direction.

"Kathy's pregnant?" she repeated. "And it's…yours?"

"Yeah, it's mine. I went over two months…" he began but she interrupted him.

"I don't want to hear the details, Elliot." She stood and moved away from him, from the bed.

"You have to understand I never meant for it to happen, it was…" Again she interrupted.

"Elliot, honestly, I don't want to hear about it. I should have realised this was too good to be true." She knocked on the bathroom door and heard Casey tell her to come in. She turned back to Elliot. "Maybe you shouldn't be here when we get out."

**0-00-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0--0**

Monday morning came around quickly for Olivia. She wasn't ready to face Elliot, to look into his amazing baby blue eyes; she shook her head at the thought of baby anything. She trudged up the stairs with no enthusiasm, no desire to be there.

Reaching the top she glanced around, four empty desks stared back at her. She stood and looked at them, shaking her head. It was only a week ago all four desks were occupied and friendly banter was flying. Only a week ago when this place felt like home, like where she belonged, only a week since her life twisted into the mess it was today.

Feeling an arm slide around her waist, she jumped.

"Sorry Liv," Fin said, "didn't mean to startle you." He caught a glimpse of her eyes, full of sadness and confusion. He tightened his grip on her and kissed her cheek. "If we stick together, we'll get through this," he said more to himself. Olivia gave him half a smile and wrapped her arms around him, she didn't know if she needed him, or he needed her but with everything else in her world seemingly gone, she held on for dear life.

Elliot and Don came out of his office and spotted them entwined. Elliot's heart sank; it should have been he who comforted her, his arms around her, his body she was leaning into. For the thousandth time in twenty four hours he admonished himself for being a complete prick and ever having accepted Kathy's invitation to stay.

Don headed towards Fin and Olivia as they broke apart, Elliot stayed at the office door, not knowing how to deal with the unexpected turns in his partnership with Olivia. He heard Don talking but couldn't make out his words. Fin, then Olivia, both gave him a hug of sorts and turned to follow him into his office. Fin stopped to speak to Elliot, Olivia just nodded as she passed them both.

"How's she?" Elliot asked, his eyes following her into the office.

"Not doing so well," Fin replied. "She seems to be pretty down." Elliot shook his head sadly. "You do somethin' stupid that I don't know about, man?" Fin asked noting the guilt on his friend's face.

"I screwed up…big time…" he admitted before Don called and interrupted them.

When all were seated around his office, Don grabbed out the roster.

"Personnel say they'll have us a bod…replacement as soon as they can. For the time being though it's just us. We've had a job come in, rape vic at Mercy General who's up for it?" No one spoke. "Any takers? El, Liv?"

Olivia didn't want to spend more time than she had to in Elliot's company, Fin didn't want to get between them and Elliot didn't want to spend the day in the precinct looking at John's desk.

"I'll go with Fin," Elliot said, getting to his feet. "Is that alright with you, Fin?"

Fin looked at Olivia, she simply nodded. "Yeah man, fine by me." They departed quickly and Olivia stood to leave.

"Liv, sit down again, please," her boss instructed. She obeyed and looked up at him sadly. "You want to talk about anything?"

She shook her head, there was nothing to say. "This isn't just about John is it? Again she shook her head. "Talk to me, Liv." Don came out from behind his desk and stood in front of her She didn't speak but a slow stream of silent tears trickled down her cheek.  
"Talk!" Don said, resting his hands on her shoulders. "Or I'll send you home."

"That's blackmail," she managed, giving her boss a half hearted smile.

"Yes, I know. Spill!"

Olivia sat back and thought about how she could actually talk to her boss without giving too much away. "Everything's changed…one week and nothing's the same…" She waited for him to reply but he didn't. "I still can't believe John's dead, I mean a week ago he was out there carrying on like usual." Don nodded. "And now his ashes are scattered on the water and …he's gone…" She stopped to take in a breath. "He's not gone completely though," she continued and caught Don's look of concern. "I mean…Casey's pregnant."

"She's what?!" Don exclaimed.

"Pregnant and she's not doing too well with the news…" Tears trickled again.

"I'm not surprised. Where is she?" Don asked.

"Still at my place. She'd planned to go home yesterday but when we did the pregnancy test and it was positive, she ….well …let's just say it's best she's at my place," Olivia reported.

"Now I wasn't expecting that," Don said, running his hand across the top of his head. 'A baby, wow! A little Munchkin!" Olivia nodded and smiled at his description.

"Guess it's the best time to tell you there's also going to be a little Stabler." Don's eyes opened wider than Olivia thought possible. He looked from her face to her stomach and back. "No! Not me!" She said before he could speak. "God, Don! That would be impossible. It's Kathy."

Instantly Don knew the true source of the pain in her eyes, but to his dismay he couldn't think of one thing to say which wouldn't add to her trauma. The phone rang and he mumbled his thanks for the interruption.

The caller was Casey and she wanted Olivia. As Don passed the receiver across he put his hand across the mouthpiece.

"Liv, why don't you go home, be with Casey?" he said quietly. Olivia shook her head, she loved her friend dearly but spending the day with a pregnant woman, any pregnant woman, wasn't on the top of her 'must do' list. He read her thoughts. "I know it's hard but she doesn't have anyone else…now."

Olivia took the receiver. "Hi Casey," she said as brightly as she could. She listened to the sobbed filled reply. "Case, I'll be home in twenty minutes."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**I know the following turn of events won't please some people, bear with me it's a necessary plot point…**

**Thanks for all the great reviews!**

Thursday rolled around at the 1-6 and nothing much had changed from Monday. Fin found himself partnered with either Olivia or Elliot, neither of them good company. He couldn't blame them; he wasn't fun to be around either.

He'd spent the day with Elliot and on the ride back to the precinct finally brought up Monday's comment.

"What did you stuff up…big time?" Fin asked out of the blue. Elliot kept his eyes focused on the road and his hands tightly on the wheel. "What did you do to Liv?"

"Nothing," Elliot answered quietly.

'If ya did nothin' how could ya stuff up so big?" Fin shook his head.

Elliot pulled the car up at the red light and glanced briefly at his friend. "I got Kathy pregnant." He said as he accelerated through the intersection.

"You what?!" Fin yelled, causing Elliot to flinch.

"Look, I'm not proud of it, I went over two months ago after a bad case and …well, and she said 'stay' and I did. I didn't think…" Elliot tried to explain.

"That's for damn sure – you didn't think! No wonder Liv's…" he stopped himself.

"Liv's what?" Elliot asked but Fin remained silent. "She's what?!!!"

"So not herself," Fin finally answered. "Call me stupid," he continued, "but I thought I sensed something different between you two last week, at the park on Saturday…I even thought that maybe you and she…"

"You're not stupid," Elliot interrupted, eyed glued firmly on the road. "Things did change...for the better but then there was this little revelation and that put an end to it." He drove the car into the parking bay and looked up at the precinct, he had never detested the building as much as he did right now.

Getting off the elevator with Fin, Elliot was saddened yet glad Olivia wasn't at her desk. He knew they were avoiding each other, the disappointment of what might have been still evident. He didn't want to add to her pain but he desperately wanted to talk to her, really talk and tell her he was hers if she'd still have him. He would do the right thing by the baby but the right thing did not include living a lie with its mother.

Olivia, for her part, was keeping clear of Elliot. He had told her numerous times they needed to talk, he would look up from his desk and smile sadly at her, but she never returned it. Deep down she knew it wasn't his fault, completely, he had been struggling after a case and Kathy offered him comfort. He wasn't to know then his good friend would die and create the opportunity for Olivia to act on the feelings she had for him. The feelings which had continued to escalate since he first announced he was officially divorced. It wasn't his fault she had such a crappy childhood and didn't want to burden another child with the tag of being unwanted. Most of all, she didn't want him to know how much she loved him or how much of her had died when he told her of the coming addition.

Fin left work after seven, he didn't want to go home, didn't want to stay at work. He raised his collar against the cold wind which was sweeping through the streets. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he dipped his head and walked a few blocks. Crossing the street without looking, he was knocked out of his wanderings by the loud horn of a taxi.

He looked up and found himself in front of O'Sullivan's Pub, an Irish bar four blocks from Olivia's. He pushed through the heavy wooden door and felt the warmth from the fireplace hit his face. He removed his jacket and looked around, smiling when he spied Olivia sitting at the very end of the bar nursing her drink.

"Come here often?" he asked, sliding onto the stool beside her. Olivia nodded.

"I'll have a beer," he said to the bartender who had appeared in front of him. "Liv?"

"Scotch on the rocks," she replied, watching the ice as she spun it around the otherwise empty glass.

Fin put the cash down on the bar and looked at Olivia. "Been here long?" he asked, she shook her head. "Want to move to a booth?" She nodded and they moved in silence.

A waitress brought their drinks over and Fin moved Olivia's across to her. A heavy silence ensued and Olivia said nothing until her glass was drained.

"You want another one?" she asked, looking at his still half full glass.

"Yeah sure," he replied, gesturing again to the bartender. Olivia excused herself to go to the bathroom and Fin went to the bar to pick up the drinks.

"How many's she had?" Fin asked, handing over his money.

"This makes four," the bartender replied, pushing the drinks across the counter.

"How long's she been here?" Fin asked, watching for her return.

"An hour, maybe an hour and a half."

Olivia reappeared and Fin moved back to the table.

"Here you go," he said, putting the glass in front of her.

"Thanks," she raised it to her lips.

"Liv, you can't drink this away, you know girl?" Fin said, watching her.

"You're telling me not to drink?' she scoffed. "That's a laugh."

"What do you mean?" He put down his glass without drinking any. Olivia looked up at him; she didn't want to say anything else. "Liv?"

She sighed deeply. "Just that you've done your share of drinking recently." He stared at her. "Haven't you?"

He nodded, every night since John's death he had downed countless drinks, desperate to numb the pain he felt at the loss of his friend and partner.

"Well, cheers then." He clinked her glass with his and sculled the contents.

Two hours and many empty glasses later, Fin called the evening to a close.

"Let me get you a cab home, Livvy," he said, pulling on his jacket. She shook her head. "Okay then, I'll walk you home." She shook her head again. "Liv?"

She looked up with tears pooling in her eyes. "I don't want to go home," she said in a whisper. Casey was at her place, long asleep and Olivia didn't want to wake her and deal with her pain. "Take me home with you?"

Fin stepped back and smiled at her, no man in his right mind would ever say no to taking this woman home. He helped Olivia on with her jacket and linked his arm through hers. Moving through the door, Olivia shuddered when the cold air struck her full force; Fin pulled her closer to him and tried to protect her from the cold, while he waved down a cab.

It didn't take long before they were back in his apartment, coats draped across the back of a chair. They sat at either end of Fin's leather sofa, and the conversation was light. Fin expected nothing from her, while he loved her he wasn't in love with her and there was no way he'd ever use her to be a one night stand. Sure, a physical connection now would do wonders for his soul, not to mention other parts of his being, but she was a friend, a dear friend and he wouldn't do that to her.

Olivia didn't have similar thoughts at all. She wanted him …tonight. She'd been waiting forever, praying Elliot would be the one who broke the drought, but now all hope was lost, she just wanted to get laid. Edging along the sofa, she ran her hand up Fin's thigh and suppressed a chuckle at his shocked expression.

"Fin," she whispered, her lips an inch from his ear. "Take me to bed."

A hazy fog enveloped him, had Olivia Benson just requested sex from him? "Um Liv, I…I don't think this is a wise…:"

Her hand worked further north. "I'm not talking about making love, Fin, I'm not in love with you and you're not in love with me. This is just about sex."

"Hmm," he replied, and whether it was the copious amount of alcohol he had consumed, the intoxication of Olivia's closeness or a strong desire to cum in the presence of someone other than himself, he nodded and led her to the bedroom.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**I'm glad the previous chapter was so 'well' received – sorry for those who thought they'd die of shock.**

**Thanks for all the great reviews!**

Clothes were shed in rapid succession; there was no flirtatious unveiling, no gentle caresses and definitely no foreplay – it was simply sex…quick, needy and somewhat impaired by the amount of alcohol flowing through their veins.

It was a relatively short encounter in comparison to other experiences either had had but Olivia summed it up as 'nice' as she rolled into Fin and closed her eyes. He smiled, the last time someone had called sex with him nice, he'd been in high school. Still, nice was better than being alone in his bed yet again.

Meanwhile Casey had woken up crying and alone in Olivia's apartment. Desperate for the comfort of her friend she searched the apartment twice for signs Olivia had been home, she found none. She checked her cell and then the answering machine –there were no messages.

Sitting on the sofa, with the legs folded underneath her, she dialled Olivia's cell desperately hoping she'd answer. With each unanswered ring Casey's heart began to beat a little faster, when the voice mail option came on she left an urgent and brief message. "Liv, call me PLEASE!" she managed through her sobs.

Casey then called the precinct and to her dread was told Olivia had left just on 6:00pm and had not returned. An overwhelming sense of fear began to consume her, if John could up and die on her so suddenly there was nothing to say the same wouldn't happen to Olivia.

With a trembling hand she scrolled to the next number.

"What? It's fricken 3:00 am! This better be goddamned worth it!" came the growl down the line.

"Sor…ry El…I could..n't…" Casey gasped.

"Casey? Is that you? What's wrong?" Elliot was suddenly wide awake and very scared.

"Is Liv…is Liv with you?" she asked, taking a deep breath, praying he'd say yes, feeling he'd say no.

"No! What made you think…" he began before the real situation dawned on him. "Casey, can't you find Olivia?" he asked, his voice more controlled than he felt.

"No…I woke up and she's not here, she hasn't been home, she hasn't left any messages, she left the precinct just after you, she …she…" Casey spewed out in a rush.

"Casey, honey, take a breath…I'll be right over." Elliot threw his sweats on and was out the door before Casey had hung up the phone.

As he sped his way to Olivia's he tried her cell and just like Casey had to leave a message – his message was a little less emotional and a lot more explicit.

"Olivia Benson, where the hell are you? You ring me the instant you get this or so help me I'll….!" He hung up not quite knowing what he'd do. He rang the precinct himself, not wanting to take Casey's word for it, she'd been correct. He rang Fin's cell but got no answer and left no message. He rang several other numbers, none helped.

By the time Casey opened the apartment door for him, he was just as concerned as she was but he was determined not to let her know it. Casey, relieved just to see someone else, threw herself at him and wrapped her arms around him, clinging tightly.

"Hey, hey, Case," he soothed, stroking her hair and walking her back into the apartment so he could shut the door. "It'll be okay, it will. Shhh" He gently rocked them. It took a while but finally Casey calmed and detached herself from him.

"I'm really sorry, El," she said, running her hand across the tear stained patch she'd left on his top.

"That's okay, I needed to take a shower anyway," he laughed, trying to add some humour into the darkness of the night and their moods. "Now," he continued, leading her to the sofa. "What happened?"

Casey sat beside him and held onto his hand. "I had a bad dream and when I woke she wasn't here. Do you know where she is?"

Elliot shook his head. "She's probably on a job," he lied.

"Yeah but would the precinct have said that?" Casey countered.

"Depends on whether she reported in," Elliot explained, knowing Casey wouldn't buy it. "Or she could be at Simon's, he rang earlier today." She nodded, that was feasible "Anyway, I'm here now, you want to tell me about your dream," Elliot asked, quietly.

"It was just about John," she smiled sadly.

"I figured as much," Elliot replied, squeezing her hand.

"It wasn't a _bad _dream, in fact it was quite wonderful," she said. "We were at Blauvelt and we were getting married and junior here…" She patted her stomach. "Was a little girl and made the most gorgeous flower girl. Livvy was the bridesmaid and it was just so perfect and I woke up. Then it hit me again that John's gone and I'll never have that, and this pregnancy is so early I may not get my little girl and I went to find Liv and …" She stopped.

"And Liv was gone too," Elliot finished off her thoughts.

"I mean if John could go so suddenly there's nothing to say that Ol..."

"Don't go there, Casey," Elliot interrupted, though his mind was already long there.

"I don't want to think that way it's just…" her voice trailed.

"Casey, Liv will be fine. There could be a hundred explanations as to where she is tonight. She's been having a tough time too…maybe she just needed a break," Elliot said trying to comfort her but it backfired.

"I'm sorry El; I know I've been a big imposition on her. I know I should have gone home. I know…I know..." Her tears started again.

"No, Casey," Elliot put his arm around her, "That's not what I meant. Did she tell you my news?"

Casey looked up at him confused. "Your news?"

"Kathy's pregnant…and it's mine." Guilt was written all over his face. "It's me she's having a hard time with – not you."

Not long after Elliot convinced Casey to return to bed, promising her the moment he heard from Olivia he'd wake her. She was soon in bed asleep again. Elliot settled into the armchair and, despite his determination to stay awake, sleep got the better of him.

Morning rolled around quickly and Fin and Olivia woke to the shrill ring of the alarm. For a moment Olivia couldn't work out where she was, opening her eyes she caught sight of Fin's arm crossing over her to switch it off.

"Morning," she mumbled and then yawned, her head fuzzy.

"Morning Liv," Fin replied, lying back down beside her. "How'd you sleep?"

"Very well." Olivia smiled; it had been her best night's sleep in a very long time. "You?" she asked.

"Real good," Fin replied before adding, "It must have been the company."

"Must have been," Olivia said, reaching out and taking his hand. She knew last night's encounter had been fuelled by alcohol and desperation but aside from the hangover she was now experiencing she had no regrets. Elliot's baby news put an end to any thought of love and romance ever, now it was just a physical act of want "Um…Fin…this might sound like a stupid question but what do we do now?"

Fin brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it "Now girl, we get up and go to work. As far as this…me and you…I have no idea."

"Me either," Olivia replied, staring up at the ceiling. "It was nice though."

"Very nice, Liv, but we both know we're not…" Fin began.

"It doesn't have to be about love, Fin. It can be about companionship or friendship or just plain sex. I mean we're both consenting adult, it's not as if it'd be anything serious, just sleepovers every now and then." She arched her eyebrow questioningly.

Fin smiled, regular sex with a beautiful woman whilst not in a committed relationship, he'd had worse offers. He knew this wasn't Olivia talking but neither of them had been themselves lately and besides, this could be what they both needed.

Raising her hand again to his lips, Fin quietly said, "You, Olivia, have a deal."

On the way over to Olivia's so she could shower and dress for work, they discussed the finer details of their new and unusual arrangement. There'd be no obligation on either side at any time, it could end whenever one wanted out, sleeping over was optional and no one else was to know. Their deal finalised, Fin pulled up in front of Olivia's apartment and parked the car. He followed her upstairs and offered to make tea while she took a shower.

Olivia turned the key in the lock, pushed the door open and was stunned to see Elliot asleep in her armchair.

"Hey Elliot," she called out, waking him. "What are you doing here?"

He opened his eyes and was instantly on his feet. "God, Liv, where the hell have you been? Casey rang at 3:00 am frantic because you hadn't returned home, so I came over. I called everywhere looking for you." He looked at Fin, seeing him for the first time. "Fin, what are you doing here?"

"Not that it's any of your business but I slept over at Fin's," Olivia said, moving past him towards the bedroom.

Elliot looked from Olivia to Fin and back again, he shook his head, she couldn't possibly have meant that the way it sounded. He looked at Fin again, no, there's no way he and Olivia would have_ slept_ together, and hadn't Elliot, himself, spent several nights at her place just sleeping? Confident with his own determination, he nodded to himself. He looked back at the closed bedroom door.

"Since she's okay, I'll head off," he said to Fin. "Are you going to drive her in?"

"Yeah, man," Fin replied, a hint of relief in his voice. Sleeping with Olivia was one thing, standing in the room with the man who she loved and who desperately loved her was something entirely different – deal or no deal.

Hearing someone in the room with her, Casey stirred. She rolled over and pried open her sleep deprived eyes.

"That you Liv?" she mumbled.

"Yeah Casey, it's me," Olivia replied, sitting on the edge of the bed. Casey sat up and stared at her friend unsure as whether to be angry at her, relieved she was alright or sorry that Olivia had seemingly lost the man she loved more than anything.

"I'm …I'm so sorry Liv," she finally said embracing her friend and holding tightly.

"What for? I'm the one who's sorry I should have let you know where I was…I wasn't thinking…I should have been here for you," Olivia said quietly.

Casey shook her head and unwrapped her arms. "No, we're both dealing with loss and we're both doing it our own way. I was just really scared last night – I thought I'd lost you too. I thought I'd be all alone or worse alone with this one." She looked down at her belly. "Livvy, I don't know if I can do it alone."

"Case, you are…Casey, look at me. You're not alone – I'm here, Fin and Elliot are here, nothing in life is guaranteed but if it's at all humanly possible we'll be here for you." Olivia said, her own deal with Fin ensuring she wouldn't be alone either. Casey drew in a few deep breaths and blew her nose.

"I'm going to go home today, Livvy," Casey finally said, "I think we need to get back into routine…"

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked, given the conversation they had just had.

"Yeah – I need to get it together and you…need time too. Don't you?" Casey said and Olivia nodded sadly.

For the next month everything continued along a similar line. Each person trying to find a way to get through the pain of losing a close friend whether it was through death or circumstance. Each one went to work daily under a veil of sorrow, trying to make themselves and their colleagues think all was well, each one of them failing.

Casey returned to work trying to get routine back into her topsy-turvy world. Not that long ago she'd been alone in the world with nothing but her friends to keep her company. Then when her relationship with John developed she had begun to think she'd never be alone again. Now, she was, or at least would be for the next six or so months. While she was beginning to welcome the news of the pregnancy she was terrified she wouldn't cope and not wanting to be someone who wasn't in control she did the only thing possible. She threw herself into her work with the same enthusiasm as a first year lawyer. If her friends hadn't been so caught up in their own pain they would have seen through the façade.

Elliot and Olivia slipped into a version of their former relationship when they were partnered together, but more and more, one of them was alone and the other with Fin. The situation wasn't ideal for anyone and Don had spent many a night awake contemplating the future of the SVU. It pained him to see good people, his good people, struggling so much. He knew the traumas went beyond the death of John Munch but he was at a loss as to how to help them, he was the captain of a sinking ship and if he wasn't careful the ship would be smashed on the rocks of these troubled times and all would be lost.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.  
Thanks for all the support with this story!  
Thanks Jazz!**

It was late on Thursday night when Elliot dragged himself out of the armchair, cursing whomever happened to be knocking so late at night, getting him out of his sick bed, or chair in this case. He coughed, sneezed and ran a Kleenex across his nose before shoving it into his pocket.

"God this better be worth it!" He mumbled, reaching for the knob. He swung the door opened, ready to leap on any door-to-door salesman who dared to intrude. Instead, he saw Olivia.

"Sorry El, I just thought I'd stop by and see how you were doing, didn't mean to disturb you," she said, tilting her head to the side, chewing on her bottom lip. It was then Elliot saw the tears on her cheeks and the way her usually lively chocolate eyes, were a dull murky brown. He reached out to touch her but she recoiled and he saw just how wet she was.

"Liv, you're soaking wet! How long have you been out there?" She shrugged sadly and he ushered her in. Gently, he took her coat and noticed her grimace as he slipped it off.

"You're wet through to the bone!" He said stating the obvious.

"It's raining," she said quietly, reiterating the obvious.

"Come with me." He took her hand and led her upstairs to the bathroom.

"You go get out of those clothes, have a hot shower and I'll find you something to change into."

"No, don't go to any trouble. You're not well…" She said shaking her head, her wet hair sticking to the side of her face.

"It's no trouble, I'm well enough and if you stay in those you'll be sick too." She nodded. "Go in and I'll see what Maureen or Kathleen have left in their room that you can wear." Elliot said, opening the door to the bathroom for her.

Olivia moved into the small pale blue room, closing the door behind her she then turned the taps on full. As the water was heating, she slowly unbuttoned her blouse and peeled it off. She did the same with each item before dropping them in the corner. Drawing back the curtain, she felt the steam hit her face before talking a cautious step in.

As she drew the curtain behind her, Elliot opened the door slightly to put a small pile of his daughters' clothes on top of the laundry hamper. He caught sight of her naked form and while this was something he'd dreamed of, it didn't register. Instead, massive bruises and welts across her back screamed out at him. Every fibre of his being urged him to storm in and demand to know what happened, but he didn't. He trudged back downstairs and poured himself a whiskey, for medicinal purposes, he told himself.

Watching the hands on the clock dance around the face, Elliot realized Olivia had been in there a long time. He decided to give her ten more minutes and then he'd go up. As the time ticked by, he sat at the foot of the stairs, listening to her movements. The knock on the door startled him and he was on his feet.

"Yeah!" he grumbled opening the door.

"Sorry man, I know it's late." Fin stood there, his overcoat collar pulled up to give some respite from the bitterness outside.

"Come on in," Elliot said. "Maybe you can give me some answers."

"To what?" Fin asked making a bee-line for the heater and rubbing his hands together.

"What happened today?" Elliot asked standing by his side.

"Nothing gets by you, does it?" Fin asked cowering away from the bigger man.

"No. What happened? Were you with Liv today?" He sat on the sofa, realising he was getting nowhere by intimidating him.

"Have you spoken to her? Where is she? Is she okay? She won't take my calls." Fin was frantic.

"I don't think okay is the right word but she's here." He pointed upstairs. "She turned up here soaked to the skin and not herself. What went down today?"

"Look, let Liv tell you." Fin said, more for self-preservation. "If you need…if you want..." the phrase 'to kill me' ran through his mind but he thought better of it. When Elliot found out the truth, Fin hoped he'd be able to escape with his teeth and bones intact. "Call me; I'll be home all night." Fin was out the door and gone before Olivia finally made an appearance in the living room.

"Hey there," Elliot said standing to greet her. "I thought you'd gone down the plug hole." He smiled and Olivia gave him a half-hearted smile. "Can I get you a drink? Whiskey, vodka, soda, juice?"

Olivia sighed deeply. "You wouldn't have any tea would you?"

"As a matter of fact, I just bought Rooibos Blend." Elliot announced, moving to the kitchen.

"Why on earth would you buy that?" Olivia watched surprised as he took the box from the cupboard.

"It's good for relaxation, relieving aches and pains and…" He began.

"Yeah but you never drink tea."

"You do," he said quietly. Olivia leant back on the counter and smiled as she watched him pour two cups of tea.

"_I don't know how you drink that flower water." _Was his previous opinion on the subject. He grabbed both cups, flicked the light switch with his elbow before stopping.

"Liv, do you want something to eat?" She shook her head and they proceeded to the sofa. Elliot placed the cups on the coffee table and waited for Olivia to sit down. When she sat in the middle of the three seated sofa, he sat to her left, not quite touching her, though he desperately wanted to. She picked up the cup and nursed it in her hands, the heat from the cup providing some warmth to her still cold hands. She took a sip, murmured her appreciation and gingerly leant back, closing her eyes. Elliot watched her every move.

"You want to tell me now?" he asked quietly. Olivia just shook her head. "Liv, what happened today to you and Fin or between you and Fin?" Her eyes shot open.

"Who said this had anything to do with Fin?" She struggled to sit up.

"Hey, hey, hey." Elliot took her cup so she wouldn't spill it. "Fin did. He called past here while you were in the shower…"

"What did he say?" Concern flooded her face.

"Nothing. He said you could tell me and if we wanted him he'd be home all night. What happened?" he repeated.

Olivia leant back again. "Nothing… just a bad case." Elliot didn't believe a word of it but he wasn't going to push her on it, not now, he was just grateful whatever it was she had come to him.

"Okay," he soothed. "Now, sleeping arrangements for tonight…there are four spare single beds upstairs or you could have mine and I could sleep on one of them if you'd rather have some extra room." Olivia shook her head. "You're not going home, Liv."

She opened her weary eyes again and tried to smile at his earnestness.

"No, El, I'll sleep here on the sofa. If that's alright?" she asked, resting her head on the back of the sofa.

"It's fine." He got up and returned with pillows and a quilt and put them on the spare seat. "I'll go and let you sleep, you're exhausted."

"El…thanks for everything…" Olivia said quietly.

"My pleasure," he replied patting her arm. "Do you need anything else?" Her nod was almost imperceptible. "What do you need?" He sat back down beside her.

"Can you stay here …'til I fall asleep…please?" Her child-like voice was completely foreign to him.

He grabbed one pillow and put it on his lap, Olivia lay curled up with her head resting on it. He grabbed the quilt and spread it over her, making sure she was completely covered. He switched off the table lamp and the room was plunged into darkness. Tenderly he stroked her hair, remembering a previous encounter on a different sofa not that long ago. Before long she was sleeping.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**Thanks for all the support with this story!  
Thanks Jazz!**

It was just past dawn when Olivia stirred. She tried to turn over but her aching back hurt, she grimaced in pain and opened her eyes. To her surprise Elliot was asleep on the floor right next to the sofa with a cushion as a pillow and a throw rug covering him. She smiled at the sight and stared down at him; she eased her arm from under the quilt and gently caressed his face. She knew she shouldn't but she felt compelled to. The only time she felt truly safe was in his presence, yesterday was testament to that. When she saw his eyes start to flicker she withdrew her hand and placed it on her pillow.

"Morning," Elliot mumbled, focusing on her face.

"Hi there." she replied.

"Sleep well?" he asked propping himself up on an elbow, his face close to hers.

"Yeah, I did – thanks," she said. "What about you? That floor can't be comfortable."

"The floor was fine."

"Why didn't you go to bed?"

"You might have needed something," he said quietly. Her warm smile was thanks enough.

"Can I get you anything? Tea, juice, breakfast?" He offered sitting up and tossing the throw rug onto the armchair.

"No, I'm fine – thanks."

Elliot disappeared upstairs, Olivia snuggled back under the quilt and by the time he returned she was sleeping. He went into the kitchen and took the toaster from the cupboard. Before he could put the bread in there was a knock on his door. He wrapped his robe around him and answered it.

"Twice in what, twelve hours, Fin, must be a record?" He stepped aside as Fin entered.

"Yeah El, you guys didn't ring so I…" he began. Elliot gestured for him to speak quietly as they quietly made their way past Olivia and into the kitchen.

"You gonna tell me your side?" Elliot asked, looking his friend in the eye.

"What did Liv say?" Fin asked nervously.

"She didn't. She won't. So you tell me." Olivia, having awakened, listened intently from the sofa.

"Look, man…" Fin began but decided against it. "Maybe I should go." Elliot grabbed him by the collar and shoved him back into the counter.

"Listen Fin, you tell me now. Man to man or man to victim," he snarled, increasing his grip.

"Okay, okay." Fin conceded and Elliot let go. "We went out to Nicholas Oakley's yesterday…"

"Why do I know that name?"

"He was a vic you and Liv worked with about five years ago."

"Ah, yeah, don't get too many male vics ready to press charges. Liv and he developed a great rapport and he went ahead. The rapist got 10 – 15 I believe." Elliot said.

"Yeah, anyway, the 1-4 needed to pick him up as a suspect and thought they may get further if Liv was involved, so we went out to help them." He stopped.

"And?" Elliot prompted.

"Things went a bit haywire but we got him and …" Fin said quickly trying to gloss over the events.

"Details? How did Liv get all those bruises across her back?" Olivia winced, how could he possibly know?

"Um, well the detectives from the 1-4 went upstairs to check, Liv and I had the ground floor and…" Fin began slowly before stopping completely.

"AND!?"

"She went in and I stopped on the stoop to answer my cell…" Fin said, lying to his friend. Olivia shook her head; she too knew he was lying.

"You did what?" Elliot screamed grabbing him again. "You let her go in by herself? What the hell?!"

"I know I stuffed up. It was Ken he said it was an emergency and I didn't think." Fin dropped his head.

"You could have killed her, did you think of that? Did you? Did you?" Elliot shook him violently.

"That's all I've been thinking of, man." Fin replied meekly.

"So what happened then?" Elliot was seething.

"I heard noises and went in and Liv was on the ground and Oakley was screaming and hitting her with a baseball bat and the guys from the 1-4 were there." Elliot clenched and unclenched his fists several times fighting the overwhelming urge he had to knock Fin into next week.

"You stupid, son-of-a-bitch," he growled. "What would have happened if it was a knife or a gun?"

"I'm sorry, El…I didn't …" Before he could finish Elliot grabbed him again and raised his arm, ready to strike. Olivia intervened.

"Don't do it, Elliot!" She called from the doorway before moving to him. "Don't!"

She took his hand and lowered it. "It's not worth it."

"Liv…he could have…" Elliot began.

"I know, believe me, I know." She stood between them, her back to Fin and gently pushed Elliot back across the kitchen.

"Liv," Fin began. She turned slowly. "I'm so sorry, I should never have…"

"Fin, I don't want to hear it," Olivia replied, she knew why he didn't follow her in, she knew he was sorry, she knew he couldn't help it but battered and bruised on a Friday morning, she didn't want to hear it.

"But I…" Fin began to protest then stopped. "Liv, I'm sorry," Fin said his remorse genuine.

"I know but it's not enough." Fin departed and Olivia turned around to face Elliot.

"How did you know about my back?" she asked quietly.

"Why didn't you tell me about this last night?" he countered.

"Because I wasn't thinking straight," she admitted, moving back into the living room.

"You want to talk about it now?" He asked, keeping up with her.

"No," she began. "But I will."

When they were settled on the sofa, Elliot waited patiently for Olivia to begin. It took all his restraint not to jump right in and demand a full explanation but he knew she could just as easily leave and he'd never hear it.

"Well," she started, looking down at her clasped hands. "It went down pretty much as Fin said. I thought he was behind me and he wasn't. I went in through the living room and into the kitchen and yelled 'all clear'. I didn't hear anything from Fin so I turned back and went into the living room. I'd just come back through a swinging door and I felt a bat across the back, a few hits in quick succession. I fell to the floor and rolled over and saw it was Nicholas and…" she paused. Elliot reached in and took her hands in his; whatever had transpired between them in the last month had not changed his deep love and concern for her.

"Go on," he urged quietly.

"I don't know who was more surprised – Nicholas or me. I tried to shout but he leapt on me and covered my mouth with his hand. I was staring into his eyes and he was petrified. He was saying how I'd betrayed him and he knocked my head into the floor a few times, hard." Elliot released a hand and tenderly stroked the back of her head. "He was calling me all sorts of names, then he…then he…"

"Then he what, Liv?" He drew her face up and gazed into her dark brown, tear filled eyes.

"He shoved his hand down between my … well, you know…legs and stuck his tongue in my mouth." She dropped her head, embarrassed by his actions, hurt by his betrayal. She and Nicholas had developed a great working relationship and his actions cut deep. Elliot began stroking her hair again.

"I'm so sorry, Liv." He shook his head, the guilt for being off sick becoming overwhelming. "I should have been there." This time Olivia shook her head.

"No. Please don't blame yourself. You can't help it if you're sick," she said, and in truth they probably would not have been partnered up for the job.

"If I had…" he began sombrely.

"No." She caressed his face. "Not your fault. Don't make this worse for me by doing this." Slowly he nodded, the guilt would not subside, he'd just choose not to speak of it. "Then what happened?"

"He started hitting me with the bat again and the guys from the 1-4 came down and grabbed him but not before he threatened to get me next time and then Fin came in…" She paused again, hoping he wouldn't comment, he didn't. "Then Fin took me to the ER."

"What was the damage?" Elliot asked, squeezing her hand.

"Severe bruising, a couple of cracks on two ribs, a bit of a headache. That's all."

"That's all?"

She nodded, wanting to add broken spirit, broken trust and a bad case of betrayal, but she didn't.

"What was Fin's excuse? What did he say?" Elliot asked, gently easing an arm around her shoulders, he wanted to hold her, to show her he was always there for her, despite everything else.

"When?" Olivia asked, not resisting his efforts to comfort her.

"At the hospital."

"I never spoke to him. I told the doctor I didn't want to see him and I slipped out while he was at the coffee machine." She tilted her head and smiled wistfully. "Bad move actually. I was out in the car park before I realised I had no keys, no money and no cell."

"How did you get here?" Elliot asked, his house being a substantial distance from Mercy General.

"I walked and walked …I couldn't think straight and before I knew it I was on your doorstep." She said, looking at the floor.

"That explains your saturation level." She looked at him and smiled briefly. Elliot drew her close. She rested her head on his shoulder and he rested his head on hers. A comfortable silence which ensued, eventually he kissed the top of her head.

Pleased with this little interaction and not wanting to do or say anything to the detriment of their fragile relationship, Elliot stood up.

"Now, Ms Benson, time to eat. Eggs? Pancakes? Your choice."

"Oh, pancakes I think." Olivia said, taking the hand he was offering. They made their way to the kitchen and enjoyed a hearty breakfast.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**Thanks for all the support with this story!**

_**This chapter's especially for Tisha - who's threatened me with a farming implement if I didn't update soon and  
Blissful Curses who asked for an update so sweetly - i think it involved sugar and sprinkles and those little marshmallowy things and crushed up oreos and chocolate fudge sauce on top!!**_

_**O--------------------O------------------------O------------------------O-----------------------O----------------------------O------------------------O  
**_

Fin trudged into the 1-6 reluctantly. Heartily ashamed of his own actions, he desperately wanted Olivia to be mad at him; to yell, swear, argue or even belt him. But her quiet response, the disappointment in her voice and the betrayal in her eyes tore his heart to shreds. Olivia's lack of fury was easily made up for by Don Cragen.

"Tutuola, get your ass in here!" he screamed before Fin had taken two steps into the squad room. Fin quickened his step and was before his irate boss almost immediately.

"What the hell happened yesterday?" he yelled. "And why do I have to here it from the captain of the 1-4?"

"I…" Fin started.

"One day…I was out one day at that conference. How could you manage to stuff up so big in ONE day?" His voice rang through the office, the squad room and the adjoining corridors.

"I'm sorry, Cap, I messed up." Fin admitted looking down at his shoes.

"You can say that again," Don retorted, his voice coming back to its normal level. "What was so damned important you put your partner's life at risk?"

"Ken rang, said it was an emergency." Fin lied, needing to continue the pretence.

"Was it?" Don asked, standing behind his desk, not trusting himself to be within striking distance of Fin.

"To him, yeah. Wanted $2000 for a car he wants to buy." Fin dropped his head.

"$2000? Olivia's life is worth two thousand bucks?" Don yelled before sitting down in his chair.

Fin sat in the chair in front of the desk. "Cap, you gotta know I feel real bad. I've never done this before, never. You know I'd never intentionally put Liv in the firing line."

"Yeah, I know." Don shook his head. "How pissed is she at you?"

"I don't really know." Fin replied, not really looking at his boss.

"When did you last speak to her?" Don asked.

"This morning at Elliot's." Fin answered; still relived he'd gotten out alive.

"Elliot knows and you're still in one piece?" Don raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah he was gonna hit me but Liv stopped him." Fin said, looking at his boss.

"I wouldn't have," Don muttered. "What state are they in?" He checked his staffing roster.

"Liv should take a few days, she has cracked ribs and Elliot still looks pretty crook…" Fin answered.

"Wouldn't do your health any harm with them being out, would it?" Don looked up.

"Nuh, guess not."

"I want a full, and I mean full, report on my desk in two hours, got it?" Don said.

"Yes Cap!"

Within the hour Don had grabbed his coat and headed out to Elliot's. He wanted to see Olivia was alright for himself. It had been a hell of a rude awakening when his 1-4 counterpart had phoned him at 6:00 am berating one of his 'incompetent, inconsiderate and downright stupid' detectives. Elliot was washing the breakfast dishes and Olivia was upstairs getting dressed when he arrived.

"Captain, come on in," said Elliot, surprised his boss was on his door step.

"Morning El, how are you fairing this morning?" Don asked, noting his pallor and red nose.

"Getting there. I'll be fine by Monday," he replied, showing his boss in, there was no way he'd let Olivia go back in without being his partner.

"How's Liv? Is she still here?" Don asked removing his jacket.

"Yeah, she upstairs." Elliot poured two mugs of coffee.

"How's she doing?" Don asked, sitting in the armchair.

"Okay, I think." Elliot answered, handing him his coffee before sitting on the sofa.

"You think? Don't you know?" Don placed his cup on the table beside him.

"She's saying all the right things but I get the feeling there's something amiss," Elliot said, playing with his cup.

"Like what?"

"Don't know. I've seen Liv in less extreme situations which pissed her off more. I know she feels betrayed by both Oakley and Fin but there's not the anger I'd expect. She just seems hurt, and not just physically." Elliot looked at his boss, concern written on his face.

"Fin said she stopped you from hitting him." Don commented.

"Yeah she did, said it wasn't worth it and she's right but it would have made me feel better." They stopped talking when they heard footsteps on the stairs.

"Are you talking to yourself, El?" she called out.

"No, Liv, he's talking to me," came her Captain's response.

"Hey Don," she said as he stood to greet her. He gave her a quick hug and a paternal kiss on the forehead.

"How are you doing this morning?" he asked, studying her face.

"Much better," she smiled, it was the truth.

"Want to walk me through yesterday?" he asked, returning to his chair.

"Nuh, I'd just as soon let it go." Don and Elliot eyed each other with surprise; this definitely wasn't the Olivia Benson they knew. She never backed away from a case, even when the case was herself.

"Why?" Don asked cautiously.

"It won't achieve anything," she sighed, sitting down beside Elliot. "I mean they already have Nicholas in custody, Fin's apologised and the doc says I'll be fine. There's nothing to gain."

"What about talking to Huang?" Don asked.

"What for?" Olivia countered.

"Well, Liv, you were pretty upset when you got here last night. There must be some issues there." Elliot said, resisting the urge to take hold of her hand.

"I was upset, and thank you for taking care of me, but as I said there's nothing to gain. A few days and this body will be as good as new." It was a false bravado and they all knew it.

"Great," said Don. "What about your spirit? Your trust? Your…" Olivia sighed deeply; it would take a while before they could be repaired, if ever.

By late afternoon, Olivia had returned home and made herself comfortable on the sofa; pyjamas on, TV on, blanket, milk and a big bag of chocolate chip cookies. It wasn't long before she was disrupted by a knock on the door, an insistent knock which wouldn't stop when she ignored it. Reluctantly she answered it.

"Hey Liv, what took you so long?" asked Casey, making her way in and surveying the living room.

"I was resting." Olivia said bluntly, hoping she'd take the hint.

"TV, blanket, pj's, milk and cookies; looks like a comfort session to me. Want to tell me about it?" Casey sat in the armchair.

"Not particularly," replied Olivia sitting back on the sofa, she was pleased Casey was doing so much better these days but she was displeased with the intrusion.

"Too bad." Casey was always forthright.

"Too bad? Casey, look, I appreciate…" Olivia began.

"I don't care what you appreciate…I want to know what happened not just yesterday but to you…this is not the response we…" Casey interrupted forcefully, more like her old self.

"We?" Olivia questioned turning to look at her friend.

"Yeah I called into the precinct and Don told me what happened and that you wanted to forget about it." Casey answered, studying her friend.

"I do." Olivia confirmed.

"Why?" Casey asked, moving to the sofa and sitting cross legged, facing her.

"Look…" Olivia began, not wanting to have this conversation.

"Don't 'look' me. There's something not right here." Casey tried to establish eye contact but Olivia wouldn't look in her direction.

"Well, if you won't tell me about you, tell me about Fin?" Olivia's head shot up and she turned her whole body around to mirror Casey's.

"What about Fin?" she asked nervously.

"Tell me why you didn't let Elliot hit him?" Olivia didn't answer. "Tell me why you aren't angry with him?" Still no answer. "Tell me why he transferred out of your unit today?"

"He did what?" Olivia's eyes widened.

"By the time Don returned from Elliot's, the report and transfer request were on his desk. He called Fin in and said he was sure this could be worked out. Fin said it couldn't. Don argued for him to take leave, something less permanent. Fin said no, either a transfer or his resignation so Don took the transfer request." Tears pooled in Olivia's eyes, she couldn't quite comprehend it all.

"Liv, talk to me…" Casey prompted quietly.

"Um…well…" She took a deep breath then sighed. "Well, Fin and I…well, for about a month now we've been …well, sleeping together..." This time it was Casey's turn to be surprised. Her mouth formed a perfect 'O', her glasses slid down her slender nose, and her green eyes sparkled with the telling of a secret.

"Really?"

"Yeah, look it's nothing serious, it's was just two people looking for a connection in a difficult time…you get that, right?" Olivia asked, knowing that was how John and Casey got together.

"That's why you're not pressing the matter?" Casey asked.

"Yep. I know Fin would never intentionally have hurt me or put me in danger, it was just one of those things." Olivia dropped her head.

"But it still hurts?" Casey asked quietly

"Yep."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

Olivia shook her head. "I don't know what to say to him." She leant back and closed her eyes.

"Liv, do you love him?"

She shook her head again. "No, I don't. I care about him very much but it's not love." She caught the look on Casey's face. "It's not love for him either. We are good company for each other and …"

"It's okay, Liv, you don't need to explain." Casey knew all too well how a sense of loneliness and emptiness could drive you into the arms of someone totally unexpected. .


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**Thanks for all the support with this story!**

**This one's for Chantelle :D**

**--------------------------------------ooo-------------------------------------------------------------ooo-------------------------------------- **

By Monday morning Olivia was back at her desk, ready to face the working week and whatever it would bring. Elliot sat at his desk, both Munch and Fin's remained vacant. Olivia had not spoken to Fin since Friday morning at Elliot's, she had not spoken to Casey since Friday. Don had called her Friday and Sunday trying to ensure she was well enough to come back to work and not overdoing it and Elliot had phoned her six times, each time on the pretense of something else; a missing jacket, a misplaced phone number, but Olivia was never fooled.

"Are you okay, Liv?" Elliot's voice echoed through her thoughts and she shook her head, staring down at the pen she was using; John's pen.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just got a little off track," she admitted without looking at him.

"You sure?" he asked moving around to her desk.

"Yeah, I'm sure." She picked up her phone and began dialling and Elliot returned to his seat. "Hi, it's Olivia Benson, can I speak to …." she continued, speaking to her own answering machine making Elliot believe she was working so he wouldn't press the matter, she couldn't handle it, not today.

The morning dragged by slowly with Olivia itching to get out of the squad room and away from the silence. There was no mention of Fin's absence and that in itself was proving difficult.

"Liv, I need to speak to you," Don said, gesturing for her to come into his office.

"Take a seat." Olivia did so and watched as he fidgeted on the other side of the desk.

"Something wrong, Don?" she finally asked, concerned.

"Liv…" He looked up at her and tapped his pen on the desk. "How are you doing?"

"Fine."

"Great." He continued tapping. "And your ribs?"

"Fine."

"Great." The tapping increased. "And your head?"

"Don, what's up?"

"Well, it's like this…" He threw down his pen. "What's happening between you and Fin?"

"What do…?" Olivia began.

"I know the two of you have been more than_ friends_ in recent times," Don answered, mildly embarrassed.

"How?" Olivia was stunned.

"I was a detective, you know?" Olivia's head started spinning; if Don knew and Casey knew, then in all likelihood Elliot probably knew or at least suspected. Don she could handle but Elliot…Oh, God Elliot…how would he react?

"Liv, Liv…" Don's face was in front of hers, she hadn't even noticed him move from his chair. "Liv, are you okay? You've gone very pale."

"I'm…I'm…" She tried to shake her head to gain some clarity but it caused pain to ricochet across her skull. .

"Elliot, get Liv a glass of water, quick." Don called out. Olivia shook her head again; she hadn't seen him move to the door. Her head began to throb and waves of nausea swept over her. She felt the cool glass being pressed into her hand and took a sip. She looked up at two very intense pairs of eyes and managed a small smile. Standing up, those eyes became unfocused and before she knew it she was staring up at them from the floor.

"God, what happened?" Olivia mumbled, trying to sit up.

"Don't move, Liv." Elliot was kneeling beside her and holding her arm.

"No, no, I'm fine." It was a lie, she felt anything but.

"Liv, we've already got a bus on the…" Elliot began.

"No way! I'm not going anywhere by ambulance," Olivia asserted, still struggling to get up.

"No arguments, Olivia. You've been unconscious for seven minutes, you're going."

Don ordered.

"Oh," murmured Olivia sinking back into Elliot's lap.

Two hours later, a battery of tests completed and feeling the worse for wear, Olivia lay on a trolley in the trauma room at Mercy General, surrounded by machines and the constant beeping from the heart monitor. Elliot and Don were in the corridor outside when Dr Andrews approached.

"Captain Cragen," he began. "I've got the results for Detective Benson; do you want to come in while I tell her?"

"Is it bad?" asked Elliot.

"Sorry, who are you?" Elliot had been in the bathroom when the doctor had previously spoken to Don.

"I'm Elliot Stabler, her partner." Elliot extended his hand and shook the doctor's. He never mentioned being a work partner and the doctor assumed he was family, so he answered the question.

"Look, Elliot, I expect Olivia to make a full recovery but she seems to have developed a subdural haematoma caused by the blows to her head last Thursday."

"Subdural what?" Elliot asked his heart beginning to race.

"Haematoma. She's bleeding into the brain and it's putting pressure on it – hence her collapse earlier today." The doctor explained.

"She's what?" Elliot said, eyes widening with fear.

"I know it sounds scary but…" the doctor began.

"How do you fix it?" Don asked his voice still calm.

"Surgery. We'll prep her soon and take her up. We'll drill a few burr holes to drain the fluid and within a few days she should be ready to go home." The words were a blur to Elliot after the word drill, he couldn't believe the man in the white coat in front of him was seriously talking about drilling into the skull of the woman he loved, actually getting an industrial tool and grinding it through the flesh and bone attached to the most beautiful face he knew.

"You alright, son?" He felt his boss' hand on his back.

"Yeah, sure." The doctor held the door opened and they walked in to Olivia's room. Elliot steeled himself to hear the details all over again. If it were at all humanly possible he would have this procedure for her.

Five painstaking hours after Dr Andrews had given them the news, Elliot was still pacing around the waiting room struggling with the length of time it was taking. True, she had come through the surgery an hour ago, true, the surgeon had reported she had come through well but until he actually saw her for himself, he wasn't taking anyone's word for it.

"You'll put a hole in the tiles if you keep walking around in circles, Elliot," Don commented.

"Huh?" Elliot said, realising his boss was still there.

"She's fine, Elliot, the doctor said so." Don said.

"I know, I know," Elliot muttered, slumping into the chair beside him and dropping his head into his hands.

"What's got you so wired then?" Don said, turning to his detective.

"If I hadn't been sick then…" Elliot began.

"Don't go there, friend. Don't blame yourself for this. It won't help matters." Don patted his back.

"If it had of been me and not Fin…" Elliot started again.

"Look El, Fin stuffed up big time, he knows that. He'd never do anything to intentionally hurt her…" Don said, trying to be comforting.

"Yeah, I know but … I wouldn't…" Again Elliot stopped without completing a sentence.

"I asked him to come in when I called him…" Don said.

"You what?" Elliot was back on his feet again.

"I asked him to come in," Don repeated in the same even tone. "But he said no."

"Good!" shouted Elliot drawing looks from the nearby nursing staff.

"Elliot, he should be here." Don said, quietly.

"Why? What right does he have? Hey?" Before Don could answer, the doctor came out.

"Olivia's settled back into her room, you can go and see her if you'd like." Both men walked in slowly. Elliot pulled up a chair and sat next to her bed, Don stood at the other side.

"When will she wake up?" Don asked the attending nurse.

"Within the hour. The anaesthetic has worn off but she's very sleepy. Buzz if you need anything." The nurse was gone and Don sat in the easy chair, Elliot picked up her hand and gently stroked her arm with his other hand. He said nothing and neither did Don.

Forty minutes later, Don left to get coffee and Elliot moved to sit on the bed. He watched as her eyes began to flicker, he reached out and caressed her cheek before brushing a fallen eyelash from her face. Olivia struggled to open her eyes, she knew someone was there but her eyes refused to focus.

"Fin?" she whispered.

"No Liv, it's me, Elliot." He replied in equally hushed tones.

"Fin?" she repeated again before drifting off again.

"She woke up?" Don asked putting the coffees down on the tray table.

"Yeah but she's fallen asleep again." Elliot reported.

"Did I hear right? Was she asking for Fin?" Don asked, sitting back down.

"Sounds like it. Why the hell would she be asking for him?" Elliot said.

"Because they've been_ together_ for the last month," Don finally admitted, he'd wanted to tell him all day.

"They what?" Elliot was off the bed and on his feet instantly. "No way! Who told you that crap?"

"Liv did, in my office earlier today. Well, I already suspected but she confirmed it." Don said slowly.

"How the hell did I miss my best friend screwing my partner?" Don shrugged. "They've really been dating?"

"Yeah!" Don nodded.

Betrayed and bewildered, Elliot rushed to the door. "Well, I guess you should call him in." He left not wanting to be in the same vicinity, the same city, as the two of them.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**Thanks for all the support with this story! This chapter's for SVU is my life, who has done a lot of reading to catch up with this entire story in record time.**

** --------------------------------------------------------------------------iloveelliot------------------------------------------------------  
**

Awake and alert enough, albeit with a dull headache, Olivia looked slowly around her room. When she saw Don asleep in the easy chair she smiled, comforted to know she was not alone. Gently she eased herself up, and turned around, hoping to see Elliot there, he wasn't. Slumping back down into her bed she stared hard at the door, hoping it would open, praying he'd be there. It didn't happen.

A while later she opened her eyes again and saw Casey propped up on the edge of her bed.

"Hey Livvy," she said quietly. "Glad to see you awake."

Olivia yawned and stretched. "What time is it?"

"Ah," Casey looked at her watch. "6:38."

"Monday night?" Olivia yawned again.

"No, kiddo, Wednesday night." Casey reached down and took her hand. "Between the surgery and the meds you've been pretty out of it, Livvy."

Olivia nodded slowly. 'Case, has Elliot been here?" she asked, not too sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"Yeah Liv, he was here Monday when you came out of surgery. He was with you for a little while when they brought you back in here." Casey answered, patting her hand.

"And since then?" Olivia asked, nervously biting her bottom lip.

"Um, no, he hasn't." Olivia's eyes welled up at Casey's reply. "Oh Liv."

"No, I'm okay…it's my own fault…really…" Olivia shook her head lightly, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"Liv, he knows about you and Fin…" Casey began.

Olivia's eyes widened. "You told?" she gasped.

"No, Livvy, you did. Don said El was here holding your hand when you woke up and you kept asking for Fin. Don had to tell him the truth," Casey tried to break the news as gently as possible, but it did nothing to soften its impact.

With no other recourse to express her utter misery, Olivia started to sob, Casey crawled beside her in the bed and hugged her tighter, trying to placate her but she was unsuccessful and the sobbing became louder and louder.

"Hey Liv, Liv, Liv." Don appeared at her side. "You need to calm down, honey. This is no good for you." He took her arm and tried to console her. She settled just a little.

"It's going to be alright, honey." He kissed her bandaged forehead and then her hand.

"Does he…hate me?" she managed through the tears.

"Elliot? No, I don't think he could ever hate you. He just needed some time," Don soothed. Olivia nodded.

"Does Fin know?" she asked.

"Yeah," Casey said, "he's not doing to well though."

"He needs help, Don. Can you help him…please, please?" The desperation in her voice stabbed at his heart.

"Only if you tell me the truth about Thursday." He sat on the edge of her bed and took both her hands. "Liv, I can't help him unless I know."

Olivia sniffled a few times, and drew deep breaths. "Ken didn't ring, there was no call…"she paused but Don just nodded, he had never bought the original story. "He's been drinking … a lot…we both have but he's was …" Olivia stopped, the pain in her heart worse than her head.

"Was he drunk?" Casey asked, still hugging her.

"No, no, hung-over. He was throwing up…I could hear him from where I was. It's not the first time but I thought I could help him through this….. I probably only made matters worse," she began sobbing quietly again. "How the hell did it all get into such a mess?"

Don left after reassuring Olivia three times he would find Fin and help him, as a friend. If anyone knew the perils of using alcohol as a crutch it was him. Distraught and drained by the exchange, Olivia lay looking up at the ceiling without speaking. Casey tried to engage her in conversation but nothing was successful. Finally she stood and picked up her bag. "Livvy, I'm going to go, you need to get some sleep, okay?" Olivia nodded. "Anything you need?" Olivia smiled sadly, there was one thing but nothing Casey could help her with, so she shook her head. Casey kissed her goodbye and headed out to find the one thing her friend needed but would never ask for. She found him at home.

"Hi Elliot," she said, moving past him without being asked to come in.

"Evening Casey," he replied shutting the door behind her.

"Are you a complete idiot or what?" Casey asked, tilting her head.

"Sorry?" Elliot replied.

"I said are you a complete idiot?" she repeated throwing her bag onto the sofa.

"I must be, I have no idea what you're talking about." He sat on the arm of the chair.

"Olivia is lying in a hospital bed after having brain surgery. She's breaking her heart crying and you are sitting here, doing what?" Casey yelled, angrier than she had expected to be.

"What I'm doing is none of your business!!!" he yelled back.

"Yes it is! Not that long ago you and Liv were 'very' close, yes?" she asked.

He nodded. "But then things changed – you know that Case."

"What? Did you stop loving her?" Casey's voice softened.

"No, but…" he said sadly.

"She didn't stop loving you, you know?" Casey interrupted.

Elliot lifted his head. "She's been …" he began.

"Stuff what she's been doing…think about why she's been doing it…" Casey yelled again.

"Why? Tell me? Even after the pregnancy I told her I didn't want to go back to Kathy…but she…" he paused.

"She told you you had to go back to Kathy, right?" Elliot nodded. "Did you ever ask her why?" Casey dropped into the armchair.

"She wouldn't let me," Elliot admitted quietly.

Casey shook her head. "She wouldn't let me!" she echoed, mimicking Elliot. "God damn it, Elliot, you're supposed to be a detective and a good one. So she didn't want to chat, couldn't you have figured out any other way." Casey clenched her fist and slammed it on the arm of the chair. "Idiot," she muttered.

Elliot got up and disappeared into the kitchen before reappearing with two bottles of water. He handed one to Casey.

"I'd prefer something stronger but in the circumstances…" she looked down at her still flat stomach, "thanks."

Back in his chair and after a long, slow drink, Elliot replaced the cap and put the bottle on the table.

"Casey, I'm obviously as thick as shit, you're gonna have to explain it," he sighed, slumping back into the chair.

After a few quick sips of her water, Casey began. "El, she loves you, do you know that?" Elliot shook his head and then began to nod it. "Is that a yes or no?"

"I love her, Case, and through the week after John…died, we got a lot closer, she has never told me she loves me but, yeah, I think she does, and then of course this thing of the baby came up." He closed his eyes, how did his life get to this point?

"Do you wonder why she reacted the way she did?" Casey asked gentleness in her voice.

"Yeah and I asked but…" his voice trailed.

"She didn't want Stabler number five to grow up thinking he or she was not wanted. It had nothing to do with you or Kathy, just the kid." Casey took another drink.

"Why didn't she tell me that?" Elliot asked, confusion written in his eyes.

"Because she had the kid's best interest at heart, and she was hurt," she added the last part almost as an afterthought.

"Hurt?" Elliot echoed, moving forward in the chair.

"Yeah, she's had feelings for you for a long time but only let herself recognise them after your divorce. Then, after you're divorced, the one person you turn to is your ex-wife. I think she thought you'd turn to her, I think she wanted it to be her carrying your child, she was hurt." Casey hated herself for betraying Olivia's confidences but the man had to know what was what.

"Case, I honestly didn't mean anything to happen that night…" he didn't finish, the damage was already done. "But why Fin?"

"She wanted someone who needed her, Fin needed her and …"

"I need her, Casey." It was a simple, honest statement.

"How the hell was she supposed to know that, El?" Casey got up from the chair and left. Elliot just shook his head, wondering what he'd do now.

**---------------------------------------------------------iloveelliot-----------------------------------------------------------------**

**Author's Notes: I have a lot coming up in the next week (actually I should be doing my application now and not posting but I wanted to get this up) would people be upset having to wait for a while for the next chapter or should I just say to hell with everything else and hang out on this site anyway? **


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine. Thanks for all the support with this story!**

**This one's for EnforcerAndAccuserFan for posting the 100****th**** review for this story – a major milestone for me :D**

**Jazz and Sam...lots of love xo **

**I still haven't finished what I needed to before getting back to this but because you asked so nicely... **

**---------------------------eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee------------------------------------- **

The one place Don knew Fin wouldn't be was at home, so he didn't bother. Instead he called into the pub Olivia had mentioned a week ago, O'Sullivan's, and spotted him near the rear.

"Two soda waters," he called to the bartender as he passed by. He took Fin by the elbow and sat him down in a booth then sat opposite him.

"Now, son," he began as the drinks were placed on the table, "we're going to have ourselves a little chat." He pulled his drink over and took a mouthful.

"Look Cap…" began Fin quietly.

"No captain or sir tonight, it's Don, okay?" Fin finally looked up and made eye contact with his boss.

"Ya know, don't ya?" he asked after a slight delay.

"I don't know anything," replied Don, not wanting to assume anything.

"Ya know I screwed up at the scene?" Don nodded. "Ya know I was drinkin'?" Don nodded again. "Ya know I was screwing…" Don put his hand on Fin's.

"Stop! Don't tell me what you think I know, just tell me the truth," Don said quietly but firmly.

Fin sadly shook his head, he didn't know where to start, he didn't know where it really all began, he only knew he had woken up one morning and he knew he was a drunk.

"I've been doin' a bit of drinkin' lately, Cap…Don," he began, his eyes firmly planted on the table. "I've tried to tell myself it's been since Munch…died … but the truth is I was drinkin' before that." He took a sip of the soda water and grimaced at the unpleasant taste.

"It gets better once you're used to it," commented Don, mildly amused.

Fin just nodded. "I didn't realise I was doin' it actually, at first. It was a couple of drinks a night, a few more if it'd been a really bad day. When Munch…went…I just wanted to crawl inside the bottle. I mean we weren't always the best of friends but he was my partner, someone I could always trust. Then he was gone and I had …" The pause was deafening.

"No one." Don supplied the ending, Fin nodded again.

"Then Liv came along and well, she wasn't doing to well and I wasn't doing well, so we sank into a pattern of drinking and…" He paused again, he knew Don thought of Olivia as a daughter and he didn't want to be crude or callous in his interpretation of their arrangement.

"Sex." Don again ended his sentence.

Both men picked up their glasses and drank.

"That day, the day Livvy got hurt, Ken didn't call, I was bringin' my guts up. Liv and I had been together the night before and she tried to get me to stop, said I'd had way too much but I told her I was fine, that everythin' would be fine…" He placed his elbows onto the table and dropped his head into his hands. "God Don, I could' a killed her. She could be dead right now and it would be my fault!" He sobbed quietly and Don sat back and let him.

After a while, Don reached out and laid his hand on Fin's arm. "Fin, I'm going to help you through this." Fin nodded. "It'll be a long road but we can make it."

Fin looked up, tears still filling his eyes.

"But first I'm going to take you to see Huang, okay?"

Fin had been desperate for help for a long time but he just couldn't bring himself to ask for it. He looked up at his boss and nodded, tears spilling over again, this time they were tears of thanks.

Meanwhile, Olivia was lying in her hospital bed as a nurse performed her routine observations. She had been alone since Casey and Don departed and it had given her ample time to dissect the recent events in her life and work herself into a highly charged emotional state

"Olivia, are you okay?" asked the nurse, noting a rise in pulse rate and BP.

Olivia nodded, knowing words wouldn't come without tears.

"Olivia, talk to me honey," the nurse said, taking hold of her hand. Olivia shook her head but the tears began regardless. The sobs grew stronger and her vital signs increased dramatically, pain hammered at her brain.

"Honey, if you don't calm down I'm going to have to sedate you. This is not doing you or your head any good," the nurse's voice was steady and low. Olivia took a couple of deep breaths. "Good girl, honey, just breathe."

A couple of minutes later, Olivia had calmed considerably, but was still holding the nurse's hand tight.

"You doing better now?" the nurse asked kindly, Olivia nodded before noticing the door opening. She knew instantly it was Elliot and all thoughts of trying to remain calm went out the window.

"Elliot, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she kept repeating, her breathing becoming more erratic "God, I'm so sorry…I…I…"

"Olivia, honey, calm down…stay in bed" The nurse placed both hands on Olivia's shoulders, trying to keep her lying down. "Olivia, you are going to make yourself sick!"

Elliot stood behind the nurse, not quite knowing what to do, finally he pulled himself together. "Anything I can do?"

"Go around the other side and make sure she stays in bed," the nurse replied and Elliot scurried around. Olivia continued on her apologetic mantra.

"Liv, Livvy, please calm down," he begged her, clasping her hands and bringing them to his lips.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she kept saying, like a stuck record repeating itself.

"I know you are, Liv and so am I…I really am." Tears pooled in his eyes dulling them.

"Olivia," the nurse said, "breathe. You need to calm down."

Olivia's capacity for reasoning had long since deserted her, her mind was a swirling mess of pain, regret and misery, the medications not helping her to clarify anything.

"Is she going to be okay?" Elliot asked the nurse, his eyes wide with worry.

"She's going to do herself some harm if she doesn't calm down," the nurse replied, drawing up a sedative. "If you've got any tricks that work for her, try them now!"

Elliot considered everything he'd ever done to placate her over the years; nothing struck him as being able to work for him now. Finally he went with something completely new, he kissed her. It was a long, lingering kiss and when he pulled back, Olivia's eyes were closed and she was speechless.

"I guess it worked," he said, half embarrassed, half proud, as he turned to the nurse.

"It was some kiss, sir, but I think the sedation kicked in." She smiled at him and left.

He pulled the easy chair across to her bed and sat and watched her closely. He loved her so much it pained him immensely to see her in this hospital bed, in such a state. Deciding the chair didn't meet his needs he kicked off his shoes and slid into the bed next to her. He draped his arm across her waist and rested his head next to hers on the pillow. Neither of them had moved until Olivia woke a little after three, her headache dulled.

The moment she saw his face inches from hers she smiled, the only times she ever felt safe was when he was near. Then the recollections of earlier came and quiet tears ran down her face. She reached up and gently traced his cheek with her finger. He stirred and pulled her closer to him before waking completely.

"Hey Liv, you're awake," he said, running his hand across her face.

"So are you," she replied, grabbing hold of his hand.

"How are you doing?" he asked, concern never far from his handsome features.

She smiled weakly, she was better now he was there, but there was still the whole issue of his baby and her sleeping with Fin.

"I'm really sorry," she whispered, staring into his eyes.

"I know you are Liv, what I don't get is why you are so sorry?" he asked, kissing her hand. Surprised by the response, Olivia wasn't sure how to answer. "I mean…" he continued. "We both did things we wish we hadn't...I know I sure as hell did…but you were so distraught before…why?"

"Because…I…well, you see…God Elliot," she stopped, not knowing quite how to say it. Elliot moved up in the bed and pulled her towards him. She rested her head on his chest and their arms locked them together. She found it easier not having to look him in the face.

"I guess I'm sorry about everything…it wasn't your fault I fell in love with you and it wasn't your fault I had my hopes pinned on you loving me too after your divorce." Elliot didn't speak but his mind was racing. Had Olivia just confessed her love for him? "I guess I figured if you needed someone you'd turn to me and not…her. After John died, I kissed you that night because he's death made me realise that life is so short. I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you and you never knew what I truly felt…" she paused and felt him hold her tighter. "Then when you said Kathy was pregnant I realised you needed her and not me, it wasn't your fault but there you had it. After that, Fin and I came up with our…arrangement; it had nothing to do with love but a mutual need to be needed, to have someone." She stopped talking and closed her eyes, concentrating on his steady heartbeat.

"Liv," Elliot said so quietly she thought she may have imagined it. "Liv?" he said a little louder, hoping she hadn't gone to sleep. She looked up at him, and even in the near dark room, she could see the tell-tale path his tears had taken.

"Olivia, don't ever believe I never needed you or wanted you. I did…I do…That night, with Kathy…" he felt her tense up but he needed to tell her. "That was about sex, a one night thing which brought some comfort to us both."

"It could have been me," Olivia whispered.

"No, Livvy, it couldn't have been you." He saw her eyes water and quickly continued, "Because you're not a one night stand, you're not just a convenience when things get rough. I am in love with you and when we sleep together it will be about making love and not just a casual thing. You get that?" he asked, bringing her chin up so their eyes met. She nodded.

"What about the baby?" Olivia asked, regardless of the mistakes of the adults in this little melodrama Baby Stabler had done nothing wrong and she wouldn't let him or her suffer.

"The baby will be fine. He'll live with his mother and I'll see him, and take care of him and share custody of him, just like the other four." He planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Him? You're having a little boy?" she asked smiling, knowing how much he'd love another son.

Elliot shook his head. "Don't know, but when I was talking to the kids and telling them I wouldn't be moving home, Dickie took me aside. He said he didn't care about me moving back but if I've given him another sister, he'd disown me." Olivia chuckled. "So, Liv, I'm yours, if you'll have me."

"I'll have you," Olivia replied and snuggled in closer, he kissed her forehead and soon both were asleep.

**--------------------------------------eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee------------------------------------------- **

**  
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	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**This is a very short chapter, I know…it finishes up the main story timeline. Following this chapter will be a two part epilogue set six months down the track. **

**-------------------------------------eoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeo--------------------------------**

Olivia rolled over and felt Elliot's arms wrap around her and pull her back to him. She smiled, opening her eyes to the early morning light. To her surprise Don was sitting beside her bed dozing, his feet resting on the base of her bed.

"Don," she called quietly, waking him. "What are you doing here? It's so early!"

"I came to tell you I've spoken to Fin," Don said quietly so as not to disturb Elliot.

"How is he?" Olivia asked.

"He's got a few things to work through but I'm sure he'll do it – he has a lot of support," Don replied. "He's seeing Huang and I'll sponsor him at AA. How are things here?"

"Good," Olivia replied, her smile evidence enough things had improved dramatically.

"I'm glad, Liv. It totally stuffs up things at work, but I am happy for you both." He reached out and squeezed her hand.

Leaning back into Elliot she looked at her boss. It hadn't been much more than a month since John Munch died and somehow he looked years older.

"How have you been doing, Don?" she asked concerned. Caught up in her own mess with Elliot and Fin's and Casey's pain, she realised Don had been left on his own to deal with the loss of a friend as well as commanding officer to a group of emotional wrecks.

"I'm doing okay…it's been…" he paused, he'd been desperate to talk to someone, anyone over the last month but there had been nobody available. He wanted to say so much to Olivia but he couldn't, it wasn't the time or the place. "okay," he finished.

"What have you been doing?" she asked, knowing he wasn't okay.

"I've been doing some stuff with John's estate. Seems I wasn't only the next of kin but the executor of his will. I've been trying to sort things out so Casey and the Munchkin will be taken care of. There's no provision for them as everything was so sudden and his finances are tied up." He sighed deeply ad played with his tie. "So, I figured I'd start with the things I can deal with, like setting up a college fund."

Olivia looked at him puzzled. "A college fund? Didn't you just say John's money is tied up?"

"Yeah, I'm doing it with mine," he admitted. "John was family and I sort of think…well, it's the least I can do."

"Can I put in too?" Olivia asked, more than happy contribute to John's legacy. Don smiled and nodded.

"Me too," mumbled Elliot from behind her.

Olivia moved her arm up and backwards and cradled his head, she tried to turn her head but couldn't. "El, you'll have five kids to put through college…" she said quietly.

"So," he struggled to open his eyes. "What's one more?" He kissed the back of her head.

Don smiled and shook his head '_family'_ he thought to himself.

Before the breakfast trolley had come, Don had departed and Olivia turned and cuddled into Elliot. She was concentrating on staying awake so she could talk to him when her door opened again.

"Livvy?" came a whispered voice she instantly recognised.

"Case?" she turned back around and smiled when Elliot mumbled incoherently into her neck.

"I see you and Detective Stabler have reconciled," Casey said, a broad smile on her face.

"We have. Thank you for sending him here," she reached out and squeezed her friend's hand.

"Anytime." Casey smiled broadly again.

"I'm glad to see you so happy," Olivia said.

"Do you want to see the ultrasound I had done on Friday?" Casey asked, squeezing herself into the bed beside Olivia. She produced the picture and both ladies stared at the baby image on it. "This is a foot," Casey said proudly. "And this is another foot." Though in truth it just looked like a blur.

Elliot woke and was surprised to find his number of bed companions had doubled. He caught sight of the ultrasound picture and smiled, he'd seen one of his newest only yesterday. He kissed the back of Olivia's head.

"It's a little crowded here, I'll get up," he offered, moving to get up. Olivia put an arm across him and leant back.

"You're not going anywhere, Detective Stabler, got that?" She leaned her head back and he kissed her cheek. He could handle three in a bed, so long as one of those people would always be Olivia Benson.

"Morning Casey," he said, "great picture."

"Thanks," she replied, pride written on her face.

They chatted amiably for a while before the conversation subsided and was replaced by shallow breathing and light snoring.

This is the way Don found them when he came back not long after. He sat back in the easy chair and smiled to himself. He was sailing this unit of his away from the rocks and though it was still floundering he had hopes he could tear up the retirement plans he'd written out a week after Munch's death.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**Both parts of this epilogue are dedicated to all caught up in the Californian fires – my thoughts and prayers are with you all. God Bless!**

**--------------------------e-o----------------------------------------------e-o------------------------**

**Epilogue: Part 1 **

**Six months later…**

Fatter than she'd ever been in her life, with ankles swollen and humour long gone, Casey pulled out a chair at Roseglen Café, two blocks from Mercy General and sat down with a heavy sigh.

"I know it's bloody summer but does it have to be so damn hot?" she grumbled, throwing her handbag onto the floor.

"Not long now, Casey," Don soothed, patting her hand. "Two weeks and you'll be feeling better." His intention was admirable but not well received.

"Two weeks! Two weeks!" she all but yelled. "In two weeks I'll be laying on some cold bed, my feet in stirrups exposed for all the world to see and screaming blue bloody murder…I doubt _that_ will make me feel better, do you?"

Don knew better than to try and rationalise his comments. Casey was tired, very pregnant and extremely emotional.

Once over the initial shock of the pregnancy, she had comes to terms with it and was ecstatic. It allowed her to focus on something other than John's death and her friends knew the baby's imminent arrival was forcing her to face the reality that John wasn't going to be there to see his only child enter the world. This pained her more than anything else and her frustrations came out in other ways.

"Sorry, Case," Don simply said and went back to his coffee.

"And why are we here? What's so urgent? And why a goddamned coffee shop when it's like 200o outside? Couldn't we have gone to a pub closer to home?" She ranted, looking at Fin, Olivia and Don.

"Well, Casey," Olivia began, she had become somewhat of an expert dealing with the mood swings of her pregnant friend. "Firstly, we are here because Kathy's in labour at Mercy and we told Elliot we'd be close by, for moral support. Secondly, it's only 92o and thirdly if we were at the pub, I'd be the only one drinking."

Casey looked from Don to Fin then to her pregnant belly. "Oh yeah, sorry guys, I'm just not thinking straight these days."

Another round of coffees and a couple of long cold glasses of lemonade later Elliot made his way in and slipped into the seat beside Olivia. She stared at him, not quite able to read his expression. He wasn't the ecstatic father; he wasn't upset…if anything his look was one of relief.

"So?" said Casey when no comment was forthcoming.

Elliot looked down at the table, studying the small pink flowers on the table cloth. "Kathy had a girl…" he paused, still looking at the table.

"And is everythin' alright man?" asked Fin, concerned about his friend's behaviour.

"Yeah, yeah," he answered. "Seven pounds, two ounces, blue eyes and black hair…"

"Congratulations," Don said slowly, more as a question than an expression of happiness.

"There's one problem though..." He looked at the faces of all his friends, his eyes coming to rest on Olivia. She quietly prayed this didn't mean he was going back to Kathy, it was one thing to say he'd love the baby regardless but not move back, but now the child was here, Olivia knew it was quite possible the father instinct would kick in and he'd regret telling Olivia he loved her. Slowly her heart moved into her mouth, full sure the next words out of his mouth would change her life; and they would!

"What is it, son?" asked Don, the suspense killing him.

"Baby's not mine!" he said quietly, never taking his eyes from Olivia.

"Not yours?" she asked in barely a whisper and he just shook his head.

"Whoa!" said Casey, shock etched on her face.

"You can say that again," replied Fin and she did, this time much louder and accompanied by the unmistakable gushing of her waters breaking.

Time marched on, in between time spent in the waiting room, time spent with Casey and time in the cafeteria, all focus was on the impending arrival of the Munchkin and Elliot's non-baby was not mentioned, no one knew quite what to say.

When the baby's birth was imminent, all three men went to depart the delivery room and Olivia was to stay. That was until Casey caught Don's hand as he bent to kiss her good luck.

"Please stay," she begged and Don shook his head, there were certain things you did and didn't do and watching someone give birth was not one of them, unless of course it was your child. "Please…please…" she begged again. "Look Don, I know you're not comfortable with this and I can't make you stay…Livvy's here as my coach and my friend but I need someone to be here for John…I could ask one of the guys … maybe not Elliot…think he's had enough of babies for one day…but, you know, John never had a child, and I just think someone should be here to represent him."

Don quickly agreed and sat on a small stool at her head, he held her hand, wiped her brow; anything south of the surgical drape could be Olivia's department.

Meanwhile Fin and Elliot sat in the waiting room; a room Elliot had become very familiar with just that morning. Several times he looked down the hallway to where Fin guessed Kathy's room was but neither said anything. They chatted instead about the various sporting endeavours of local teams and the weather and the case they were working on. It was an amiable discussion but nothing personal, to anyone passing it could be seen as strangers chatting. It was Fin who decided to tackle the issue.

"El, look I know this is probably not the time and place to rehash all this but I think we need to." He was standing by the window looking back at Elliot, who was still sitting in the worn yellow armchair. "I know we've moved on since…well since this all began and we're friends again, of sorts, and we're working together and all but we've never really talked about what happened." He stopped.

It was Elliot's turn to get up from the chairs and move across the room. "You apologised, I forgave you, and Liv forgave you. You're got help and are doing well. Don't see there's much else to say."

"Maybe not but I just wanted to say, man-to-man, I am really sorry. I knew at the time what we were doing was wrong. I thought you loved her and I knew she loved you…it was just when the ….opportunity arose I took it. I should of thought about the repercussions but I was too busy thinking other things, or maybe I wasn't thinking at all."

Elliot shook his head. He could easily understand how Fin had gone to bed with Olivia. What man in his right mind would say no to a beautiful woman like that who was putting the moves on him? He knew what Olivia and Fin did was about sex and when Olivia and he managed to get into bed together it would be about love.

He shook his head again, seven months since that night on her sofa. Seven months since he first unbuttoned her shirt and kissed her breasts and still they hadn't consummated their relationship.

"You alright man?" Fin asked, concerned Elliot wasn't talking and just shaking his head.

"You know…" he began and smiled, he already knew Fin didn't know what he was about to say. "Liv and I haven't actually done anything yet?"

The sound of Fin's jaw dropping could actually be heard. "Why the hell not?"

"Don't really know. First she couldn't…I mean medically couldn't because of the brain surgery…then we wanted to get things straightened out…" Elliot paused.

"Things like me?" Fin asked, quietly.

"Yeah…and the job and helping Casey and those things. Then it was stuff with Kathy and her pregnancy…I don't want to push her and she doesn't seem ready…" Elliot paused again; surprised he actually wanted to talk about Olivia like this to anybody, especially to the last man she'd slept with.

"You wanna know what I think the problem is?" Fin asked, sitting down again.

Elliot moved and sat beside him. "With Livvy and me it was about sex, that physical want for contact and that's what she got. But man, from you she's getting what she needs – love! It's much more powerful than sex…"

"Never thought of it that way, Fin, my man…how did you get so wise?" Elliot said eyeing his friend.

"Don't know about wise…if I had of been a bit smarter I wouldn't have slept with the future Mrs Stabler," Fin gave half a smiled and leant back, his hands behind his head.

Elliot gave a soft chuckle. "By any chance you didn't sleep with the former Mrs Stabler, did you?"

He watched as Fin's face contorted from shock, to confusion, then horror. "No man, no," he said getting to his feet. "Why would ya…"

"Steady Fin, I was joking." Elliot stood, put his arm around his friend's shoulder and led him down to the newborn nursery. "Let me show you something."

They stood at the window and gazed down at a contented, sleeping baby with a shock of black hair.

"She's pretty cute," said Fin, smiling the smile only newborns inspire.

"She is…but look in the crib on the left, that's Kathy's baby," said Elliot quietly.

Fin looked long and hard before speaking. "She's black!" he finally managed.

"Yep," said Elliot walking back down the corridor. "And it doesn't take a detective to work out that two whites don't make a black!"


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Notes: Nothing belongs to me, well, actually, I just made my final payment on my car, so that's now mine.**

**Both parts of this epilogue are dedicated to all caught up in the Californian fires – my thoughts and prayers are with you all. God Bless!**

**------------------------------------e-o---------------------------------------------------------------------e-o-------------------------------------------**

**_The final chapter_**

After shaking his head vigorously Fin caught up with Elliot as he headed back to the waiting room. As they passed the labour room Olivia rushed out and embraced them both at the same time.

"We have our baby," she grinned, before kissing the cheeks of both men.. She spun around, link her arms through theirs and led them in. Casey lay in the bed holding the tiny bundle tightly. Her blonde hair was messed, her face blotchy and eyes red rimmed but she had never looked happier or more beautiful.

"Come on in," she said quietly when they paused at the door. "Come and meet Jonathan Munch Novak." They moved in quietly, took their turns to congratulate her and kiss her and then stepped aside.

Olivia wrapped her arms around Elliot drawing him closer to her. "You had enough of babies for one day, El?" she whispered quietly so no one else could hear. He shook his head, he'd never have enough of newborns, they brought with them hope, dreams and a million possibilities. "Good," she continued. "I want to go home and make one…with you."

He drew back slightly and stared at her. "You know we actually have make love to have a baby." Olivia nodded. "And we may not fall pregnant the first time." She nodded again.

"That's okay," she whispered, "I'm sure we'll have a good time practising. Besides we've got a lot of lost time to make up for." Olivia couldn't believe she'd let so much time pass without consummating their relationship. When the doctor had said sexual intercourse was off limits she was very disappointed, after all she'd waited so long for him and the thought of waiting longer frustrated her immensely. But after the check-up where the doctor said yes, everything changed. As she was walking to her car she spied Kathy, with her baby bump, walking into the hospital alone. Olivia began to cry, not just because of the baby, but what it represented.

It represented the end of a long relationship. Elliot and Kathy had been together forever, had four amazing children, with one on the way but the relationship was all over. She contemplated whether what she and Elliot had would end the same way, whether one day, five, ten, twenty years from now she'd wake up and find the relationship was over. The very thought scared her; if she was going to lose him someday, then perhaps embarking on such a relationship wasn't worth it. By the time he'd arrived home, she had a tremendous headache, felt unbelievebly ill and told him the doctor had said no.

Without reason to doubt her, Elliot believed her and did everything he could to be gentle and loving and to make their relationship about something more than a physical expression and the months moved on. Then, one day, two months ago, Elliot had been at Mercy General with Fin to talk to a rape victim and he had come across Dr Andrews while waiting for Fin to return from the bathroom. Elliot asked when they might consider a more physical relationship and to his surprise the doctor informed him it could have started two months before.

When Elliot had returned to the squad room, George had been there and he had drawn him aside and ran through the scenario. George just smiled as he had recently had the same conversation with Olivia. His advice to Elliot had been to love her unconditionally and wait for her to be ready.

Now, with everything in the past, Olivia was finally ready to look to the future, her future and one which definitely included Elliot Stabler.

Elliot moved in and kissed her passionately with urgent yet tender kisses which sent electric waves through them and the room.

"Hey guys," called Casey, "cut it out, there's a baby in the room."

"There'll be another on the way by the looks of things," Fin commented and they all laughed.

Casey yawned and her eyelids drooped. "What's say we go and let you get some sleep?" Fin said, kissing the top of her head, she nodded wearily.

"Before we do, and while we're all here," Don said, grabbing his bag, "there's something I'd like to do." He took three items out of his bag, aware he had their undivided attention. "Firstly, I like to give Jonathan this." He handed Casey John's Badge which he had encased in a beautiful frame with Munch's photo. She smiled and tears began to fall softly. "Secondly, we didn't know if was going to be a girl or boy but I had this done." He handed Casey an infant's baseball outfit in the precincts' strip, and she turned it over to see the name Munchkin emblazoned on the back – more tears fell. "Lastly, there's this." He showed her a small snow globe with a tall ship inside, it bobbed happily up and down on the small waves movement had created. They all looked back at Don, they could understand the sentiment behind the badge and the outfit but the snow globe had them baffled.

He looked at each one of them. "It wasn't that long ago when we on the rocks, like a ship caught in a storm we had hit the rocks and were being battered quite severely, not just professionally but personally. For a long time I didn't think we'd make it. I drew up my retirement plans and waited for the ship to run aground and wondered what we'd be able to salvage. Luckily the storm abated, the ship righted itself and we moved back into calmer waters. We lost a crewmate but we gained our newest recruit and I wanted this recruit to know just how much he means to me …to us." He placed the snow globe beside the sleeping baby.

"What about those retirement plans?" Olivia asked,through her own tears, when nobody else had spoken.

"I think I can stick it out another three or four years and by then I'll be able to spend the days looking after my grandchildren, taking them fishing or hiking or…" he replied quietly.

"Grandchildren?" Elliot asked.

"Yep, this little Munchkin here and the one you and Liv are going to give me," he paused and watched their faces. "Of course with your record El, I may have to sell the sedan and get a minivan." They all laughed, strong, healthy belly laughs; it had been a desperately long time since laughter surrounded them.

In turn, they kissed Casey, Munchkin and the photo of John Munch on the bedside table and left. Life's circle complete.

The End!

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_**Thanks you for all your support and encouragement with this story...I have no idea when the next story will be but I look forward to catching you all then. **_


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